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You couldn’t make Blazing Saddles these days. They’d take one look at the script and go
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“We can’t make this, this is Blazing Saddles, they made it 40 years ago. Do you want Mel Brooks to sue us?”
I thought they would go:
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You couldn’t make Taxi Driver today, because Travis would have already died by suicide in a school shooting before reaching adulthood and getting a job. Plus watching Travis’s nihilism growing not out narcissistic disgust with the seedy underbelly of New York, but out of love for the seedy underbelly of 4chan, wouldn’t really have the same kick to it.
Also it would be Uber Driver, which sounds dumb for a movie name.
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Hackers: Because arcades don’t really exist anymore and no one cares about the high score on for the ones that are still around.
I dunno, AAAAAA still seems to be very interested in arcade high scores, though even they don’t seem to know how many As are in their name.
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Damn… you’re right.
Hackers: because people don’t listen to decent fucking dance music anymore.
Yes and that’s the only problem with that movie
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FUCK YOU I’M BRINGING IT BACK
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I’ll say this about Hackers: it’s a period piece about what we (at the time) wanted out of the present. We wanted hacking, computers, living at the bleeding edge of all this tech, to look and sound that cool. So the movie takes liberties.
As a concept, that absolutely could be done now. You just need someone to work with today’s youth and extrapolate from the present.
You wouldn’t make “Back To The Future” now because it wouldn’t be the future…
Forward to the past?
BTTF remake, traveling between 2025, 1995, and 2055, with new problems for those particular times? Marty introduces dubstep to the grunge crowd? Accidentally prevents the spread of the Internet?
And somehow when he comes back to the present Trump was elected President. What did he do!?
Tubes? Where we’re going, we won’t need a series of them.
I wanna see a modern Zombie movie with how people would actually react to news of a zombie outbreak given how people behaved during the pandemic
The movie follows a minimum wage delivery driver in his armored car plowing through hordes of zombies to deliver pizza to the safe houses where people are hiding out.
Edit: When he delivers the pizza, the survivors complain it is cold and don’t tip. He backs his truck through their security fence, letting the zombies in and drives off to the next delivery.
Feed, by Mira Grant, is fun because it takes place years after a zombie uprising, but in a world where George Romero movies existed, so everyone knew what to do. It was a catastrophe, but not an apocalypse.
Avenue 5 has a pretty funny scene where a series of skeptical conspiracy theorist types are ignoring a very specific warning, claiming that the people they see dying before their very eyes are an illusion some kind of special effects and each follows to their own death.
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Half the population claims it’s all a hoax and lets zombies bite them because anything else is a violation of their freedoms
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Large swaths of gun owners take to the streets, and half of them die quickly because they put more money into the number of guns they had or making them tacticool instead of putting rounds through them or sighting them in.
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It gets overly politicized.
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The literal collapse of civilization, yet some corners of the government and billionaires are still trying to milk out the last drop of money
Gun owners patrol the streets shooting at the cdc
Shaun of the Dead kind of did it.
I actually think it would be good uniting force for a divided country:
- The “it’s a hoax” portion of the population will simply become zombies
- The “we love guns” portion of the population can now take their life frustrations out on the zombies
- The “we need to fix this world” portion of the population will learn to fight too and provide vital aid and supplies to the (likely growing) “we love guns” group
- The “we need run away from this madness” portion of the population will just hunker down and play on their smartphones
Either way, everyone kind of wins
I think you’re a little off on the “we need to fix this world” guys.
Although zombie films / TV series lean heavily into the action side of things, that’s just because it’s more entertaining than watching people building things, developing tech, doing scientific research.
Remember with COVID 19? Huge numbers of people immediately set out to find a cure, inventing and deploying ways to prevent and monitor the spread, creating pop-in treatment centres, etc.
Don’t look up was basically this but a meteor instead of zombies. It was honestly kind of a depressing movie lol
What’s crazy is that they made the movie before the pandemic, but it was almost a parody of the trump administration and the response to covid.
Well, It also works as a nice allegory for climate catastrophe.
That’s what it was written as.
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Get bitten on purpose to prove its a hoax and own the libs
In this version, all the zombies are in line for toilet paper outside the grocery store.
In the sequel, you combine it with The Mummy, where they use the mummy for toilet paper.
Zombie deniers being eaten as they continue to insist it’s a liberal hoax.
Unrelated but I was thinking if it was a zombie outbreak. And I’m stuck in a retirement home. Am I safe? They can’t bite me, they don’t have teeth
Heathers.
Revenge of the Nerds.
Revenge of the Nerds would work but it would be all the worst characters in the Zoomer Generation. And maybe they would treat the themes of alcoholism and rape a little differently.
And also the Javelin throw scene wouldn’t work because the Javelins are heavily regulated by the modern rules.
You couldn’t make Casablanca today because that movie already exists.
They couldn’t make Mrs Doubtfire in this day & age - no one would believe Pierce Brosnan and Sally Field make enough money to afford a live-in nanny.
Also, they couldn’t make Mrs. Doubtfire 2. Full stop. There will never be a sequel to that magnificent gem.
Today on house hunters international…
Also Robin Williams is dead.
You couldn’t make Jaws today because the ubiquity of cheap drones means the shark would be tracked continuously until it left Amity Island.
You couldn’t make Deadpool & Wolverine today because it just came out and people would not be ready for a reboot this early.
It’s already a reboot.
Any movie where 1 cell phone would resolve the situation. A lot of serial camper killers would get shut down pretty fast.
Not just cellphones but every house now is equipped with a camera on the doorbell and possibly several more throughout the house. Back in the day serial killers basically just had to not be around when the police showed up and had a pretty good chance of just getting away
scribbling notes
- don’t be there when police arrive
- also steal the cameras and tech
Commando. Arnold spends a good chunk of the movie stopping people from getting to a pay phone to let the bad guy know he escaped their custody
Logical solutions to problems don’t happen in many kinds of horror movies. Even the tiniest bit of common sense applied would destroy so many, cell phones or no.
That’s why I love Cabin in the woods. They make it a creepy movie, but also make fun of all the common horror tropes by having the haunted grounds be a very orchestrated event.
“Oh no my cell phone doesn’t work” It’s because the creepy org turned on a cell phone jammer
“Why don’t they just leave?” The creepy org blows up a shit load of tnt to make the tunnel collapse
“Why don’t they find an alternate route out?” The creepy org put a fucking force field around the area.
That movie definitely ventured in to silly territory, but then it was quite directly a well-meaning parody of horror movies that kinda’ HAD to get a bit silly to do too much with the premise.
Our group of teenagers should definitely split up to search for the monster and/or serial killer!
There are also a swath of movies that couldn’t be made because of the ubiquity of surveillance cameras.
Who did it!?! ~Checks camera~
https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/24/travel/spirit-airlines-6-year-old-wrong-flight/index.html
But also once you’re past security, which as I recall in the film where Kevin gets lost, he could definitely get on the wrong plane. Any sort of on flight check could easily be excused away with a new flight attendant or Kevin being covered by a cost or any other silly reason.
Spirit Airlines
See there’s your problem right there
You couldn’t make Back to the Future II today because a possitive outlook on the future is no longer believable even for a family film.
You couldnt make back to the future today because their future is already in our past, their future (2015) is already 9 years ago now
I can’t tell if the thread has some sort of running gag or if you’re actually confused by the concept.
You don’t have to make the future 2015. You don’t have to make the past 1960s. You’re making the film, today, not when it was actually made, thats the entire point of the prompt.
I feel like the future being 2015 is extremely in line with the gag.
I feel like the future being 2055 is extremely in line with the gag. Because we make the movie in 2025. And the plot is going 30 years into the future.
Dumb and Dumber. There’s definitely an air tag in that luggage now.
Go. They could just call each other.
The Shining. That hotel is just automated now and doesn’t need a caretaker.
Catch Me If You Can. All that airline shenanigans could not happen post 9/11.
The Truman Show. No reality TV would put someone that earnest on as the center of the show.
Misery. Phones, GPS, the whole lot. He’d be much more trackable.
Network. No news network is giving their anchor that much monologue screen time without cutting to the next segment.
So I married an axe murderer. It’s just way easier to get full details on people now.
Was gonna say Toy Story but it looks like toys vs screens is literally the plot of the next one.
Catch Me If You Can. All that airline shenanigans could not happen post 9/11.
Good thing the plot is set in 1969 then.
The Truman Show - He was born into the role, iirc. The showrunners adopted him before he was born and taped his birth as the first episode of the show so it’s not like they knew his personality beforehand.
They absolutely would fuck with his life more than the original movie did, though. He wouldn’t have an idyllic life in a small town with too many ad reads, he’d be in The Squid Games.
Dumb and Dumber. There’s definitely an air tag in that luggage now.
Reminds me of No County for Old Men (2007).
there’s a film that couldn’t be remade today. that film taught me if i ever come across a huge bag of cash probably involving gangs the first thing you do is move it to a new bag one note at a time to remove any tracking devices.
Ah yes, that other. Comedic trope where the dye pack explodes in your face and you spend the rest of the movie looking like a Smurf or Donald Trump
First thing to buy is a commercial roll of tinfoil to wrap the whole thing in.
There’s a lot of really racist and rapey stuff out there that didn’t seem like a big deal back in the day. From the 80’s especially.
A lot of Mel Brooks films (yeah, it’s humor, but would it fly today?)
Nerds.
The Meaning of Life
Porky’s
Fast Times
maybe even Sixteen Candles?
Sean Connery’s Bond movies and character were racist, homophobic, misogynistic as hell…
I had a great idea for a movie a while back, a bunch of guys in their 50s trying to relive their youth by doing classic “pranks” from the movies from their youth and figuring out half way through that they were committing sex crimes and felonies and then hilarious hijinks ensue as they try to unravel their idiocy.
The Mel Brooks movies I’ve seen…
Young Frankenstein…I think you could make this movie, but there’s no one in Hollywood that could play Marty Feldman’s Igor.
Blazing Saddles…It’s often cited as an outright dare to censors but really it’s a very special episode. The most important line in it is “Ah prairie shit. Everybody!”
History of the World Part 1: The naked homophobia in the Caesar’s Palace sequence isn’t going to work in the 21st century. I think you could make The Musical Inquisition starring a singing dancing Torquemada but it would still have to be played by a prominent Jewish comedian. And from the French part of the movie, I think the main thing they’d cut is the old man freeing all his dead birds.
Spaceballs: no notes? Modern Hollywood wouldn’t greenlight this movie because they can’t sell parodies in China.
Robin Hood: Men In Tights: I’m not sure how “Testicles of a newt. Guess he’s a transsexual now!” would fly in 2024. Can I share something strange? I 100% believe modern Hollywood would be able to make Robin Hood Prince of Thieves complete with the scene where Alan Rickman forces Mary Elisabeth’s legs apart with his feet, but I don’t think they’d be okay with making a lighthearted parody of that same scene where he uses an anachronistic jackhammer on an Everlast brand chastity belt.
I don’t think you understood the exercise.
