Wife and I have a longstanding argument over whether free-will exists.
I say it does and she has no choice but to say otherwise.
Consider this, free will can still be pre-planned. We can choose what we want to do, so what if it was pre planned? I still chose it.
Free will exists because I can change my mind about liking or wanting something.
Why do we need to bother executing it then? Choice has no value if agency to exercise it is revoked at any stage.
if we don’t, then the predetermined outcome won’t happen!
I’m able to make smalltalk. I just don’t enjoy it, so I avoid it when I can.
And my wife and I don’t engage in smalltalk. We talk about what we actually care about. Seems to have worked fine for the past 24 years.
Yes. Non-verbal communication and silence work too.
Can confirm, I hold our evenings together laying in bed next to each other reading different books or whatever in high esteem. We’re not disfunctional, we’re just introverted, though we like each other’s company.
I thought I was in my messaging app when I read the first sentences and was confused. I thought I was included in the “our evenings” 😆
That sounds lovely and relatable. I let my affection show in glances etc too or a brief hand on the shoulder. Whatever feels authentic at the time.
It’s not small talk if you love the other person
It certainly can be.
If I’m making smalltalk with my SO, it’s because there’s something more weighty I want to discuss, but I’m looking for a way to broach that topic in a better way. So regardless of how I feel about them, it’s still an issue because it means I don’t feel safe to attack the topic head-on.
That feels like a communication strategy tailored to your relationship rather than small talk. small talk, in my opinion, is meaningless banter without motive. This may be pedantic, but I just don’t think I would classify that as smalltalk, since there’s an objective and I’m theoretically engaged, I personally would have no issue with it.
It’s when there’s seemingly “no point” that I consider it difficult
My wife is a VERY quiet person. She doesn’t say a lot but when she does it’s because she actually has something to say. This made me nervous when we were first dating but I’ve learned to embrace it. Silence is OK. She definitely talks more than she used to but we don’t have to talk all the time. Sometimes she just looks at me and smiles without saying anything and in those moments I know that I am loved.
She’s thinking of how she’ll dispose of the bodies. 😁
Imagine going through a marriage like “how about that weather”
“And what is it with airline food?”
Have you seen the weather, lately?
“Oh yes hurricanes every where”
Yeah, no wonder so many people get divorced…
If my partner can’t handle silence, then there’s something seriously wrong. We usually have something to do and if we don’t we just cuddle up. There’s no need for constant noise.
It would be hell to come home to someone who only wanted to talk about the weather and how those jockstraps are doing.
I’d like to have similar interactions with my significant other to the ones I have with my cats. You know, things like siting on the couch together… saying silly things in even sillier voices… staring into each other’s eyes while blinking slowly… yelling at her to get down from the cupboard…
Remind me never to get into a sustained meaningful relationship then.
Extrovert cannot comprehend being quiet.
Not just extroverts. I’m pretty introverted but I’m also the type of person who is very heavy on verbal communication and I tend to get a lot of my affirmation through words.
Being “still” is a learned skill for me.
My inability to carry even a basic conversation is just one of many reasons I have no plan to be in any kind of relationship, sustained or not, meaningful or not
I’ve seen women like that on dating apps. Claim to hate small talk, include in their bio that if you just open with “hi” they’ll unmatch you, and then when you put some thought into actually writing a response, ask a leading question about their interests or what they wrote in their profile, they unmatch you anyway.
#thisiswhyyouresingle
I always took it as an early red flag that the person is way too intense and stressful to be around if every conversation has to be a do or die dynamic.
It’s not that it has to be that exciting. Just don’t talk endlessly about shit that doesn’t matter. You bought a new kind of mustard, I don’t need a 20 minute explanation on why. To me, someone who can’t exist without noise, or making noise is a red flag. That being said, early on in the relationship is different because you’re still trying to get to know them.
Yup. If my SO and I don’t have anything more urgent to say, we generally talk about upcoming plans, like next year’s vacations, shopping lists, etc. We almost never talk about the weather unless we’re planning to be out in it.
Been together >10 years, small talk is pretty rare and largely reserved for entertaining guests.
I’m sorry that’s a red flag. Some of us honestly just want to share what excites us with the person(s) who we are excited to be around.
Idk that I really do small talk OR do philosophical conversations with my partner but I’ll let you judge. Here’s the sort of things me and my partner say to each other throughout the day:
- wanna play [whatever co-op we’re into lately]? (Then several hours of strategy discussions)
- did you eat all the chips again you FUCKER followed by BITCH WHAT IF I DID YOU ATE ALL THE OREOS???
- If all dogs go to heaven do their people have to be there for it to be a dog heaven and does that mean hitler is in heaven because he had a dog?
- miscellaneous bitching about our jobs
- wanna fuck
- the dog pissed in the elevator again it’s your turn to go clean it
- did you see the sweater I put the cat in?
- Debates about whether or not a taco is a hot dog or vice versa
- how many toys do you wanna get out for the fucking and more importantly how many are you willing to clean
- that book you made me read is really melodramatic but I agree it’s about black mold.
- we should go visit the hot tub vs no it’s too fucking cold vs that is the point of it being a HOT tub
- wanna play cards against humanity with the cat
- debates about who will hold the cat while we trim her claws
- yelling at each other for being too loud while the other is sleeping and which offense is fundamentally more heinous (dayshifter vs nightshifter)
- discussing the biopunk visuals in lexx and how they would have made all the butthole windows out of fabric
- random nonsense words and noises like doing an entire karaoke bit but all the words are “doodoodoodoo doodley dooooot doo”
- discussions about farscape’s costuming department’s extensive use of bondage gear
- putting peanut butter on TOP of the dog’s snout then filming her
- what if we feel like we’re seeing God when we’re on mushrooms because the mushrooms ARE god and we’re all just fundamentally here to feed them
- blaming each other for the peanut butter thing to get the other person to clean it up
- talking about weird internet personalities like chrischan or the tile patterns guy
- calling each other old for stuff like heartburn after pizza or chronic injuries flaring up with the weather
talking about weird internet personalities like chrischan or the tile patterns guy
Oh my god, there’s fuckery on the internet?! I’m out of the loop on the tile patterns guy. What happened?
Deadwingdork has a great 4chan series
What if I told you: People who hate small talk only have meaningful relationships. It’s the shallow relationships they lack.
