Cripple. History Major. Irritable and in constant pain. Vaguely Left-Wing.

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Cake day: July 21st, 2023

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  • Explanation: Marcus Licinnius Crassus was one of the richest men of the Late Roman Republic, and an extremely influential politician. He was a ruthless businessman, but at the least, he had guts and smarts. One of his most famous - and successful - schemes was to create the city of Rome’s first firefighting force - a private firefighting force, which he would use to buy houses on fire at fire-sale (dohohoho) prices, and THEN put them out.

    If the owner refused to sell? Well, Crassus would wait. Then offer less money. And less. And less. Until the house was burned down, as it would have without his intervention.

    Immensely shitty on a human level, but brilliant business sense. Very active fellow.

    Thought you lot would appreciate that Musk fails to look human even next to aristocrats of literal antiquity.


  • Explanation: Marcus Licinnius Crassus was one of the richest men of the Late Roman Republic, and an extremely influential politician. He was a ruthless businessman, but at the least, he had guts and smarts. One of his most famous - and successful - schemes was to create the city of Rome’s first firefighting force - a private firefighting force, which he would use to buy houses on fire at fire-sale (dohohoho) prices, and THEN put them out.

    If the owner refused to sell? Well, Crassus would wait. Then offer less money. And less. And less. Until the house was burned down, as it would have without his intervention.

    Immensely shitty on a human level, but brilliant business sense. Very active fellow.


  • Explanation: Marcus Licinnius Crassus was one of the richest men of the Late Republic, and an extremely influential politician. He was a ruthless businessman, but at the least, he had guts and smarts. One of his most famous - and successful - schemes was to create the city of Rome’s first firefighting force - a private firefighting force, which he would use to buy houses on fire at fire-sale (dohohoho) prices, and THEN put them out.

    If the owner refused to sell? Well, Crassus would wait. Then offer less money. And less. And less. Until the house was burned down, as it would have without his intervention.

    Immensely shitty on a human level, but brilliant business sense. Very active fellow.












  • Explanation: In WW2, much is made of the Nazi ‘Tiger’ tanks, which were specialized for tank-on-tank combat. The American Sherman tank, used by the US, UK, France, and USSR, however, was a multipurpose beast that was modified for a wide variety of problems as the need arose. Got a problem? There’s a Sherman M4 Medium Tank for it. Minesweeper, armored bulldozer, rocket-launcher, AA-platform, support gun; there’s nothing the Sherman couldn’t be outfitted for. Eat shit, Nazis!




  • Explanation: The bust pictured is of Cato the Elder, who hated Carthage even after it was reduced to a struggling city-state which regularly got trashed by its own minor neighbors, and posed no real threat to the superpower of Rome which controlled half the Mediterranean. He would still end all of his speeches in the Senate with “Furthermore, I believe Carthage must be destroyed”, no matter what the topic he was speaking on was.