Or you could eat vegetables.

Nothing good is allowed to happen ever again.

Se dice bisonte, no bufalo.

Accidental compliment to a bunch of forty-somethings.

This one’s a Family Guy manatee strip.

This doesn’t have a damn thing to do with what’s on TikTok.

Recommendations:

• DKC Tropical Freeze is everything GDQ is about: it looks fast, it’s a little broken, and everyone onstage has a great time.

• Ocarina of Time is a no-logic randomizer, so all the items are shuffled without concern for whether the game is beatable. Sometimes getting to a boss takes three separate glitches, and then hitting them takes five.

• Super Sheffy World is the best of four-ish Kaizo / Mario Maker games this year. Fast-paced and comically difficult. But I’d say Kaizo Mario World 3 was the better run, if only for the final boss.

• Vice City’s hard-mode mod is a delightful trainwreck. The game actively does not want to be in a speedrun.

• Tetris showcases are always fun. This year they did Grandmaster 3 in Shirase and Grandmaster 2 in Death difficulty.

• Elden Ring was a lockout bingo race - two runners trying to check off random goals.

• Super Metroid races are the finale for a reason.

Assholes forget that talking is the polite alternative they compromised on when faced with an angry mob.

Software has won. Every game wants to be on every platform, because platforms are an obstacle to customers. The only exceptions are from studios getting bought off or bought up.

Consoles don’t even have any special sauce left - they are computers, full stop. Do you want the blue AMD laptop, or the green AMD laptop? Or the red Android tablet?

Microsoft saw this coming a mile off, and is still getting walked by Valve. The Xbox brand was invented to computerify the console market. The first one was literally a PC. The second was a generic compiler target. They’ve been breaking down barriers because they expected to own everything.

Sony saw this coming… last year, maybe. Helldivers 2 showed them how much money they could make being a generic publisher, and it scared the shit out of them. That’s why they burned a lot of customers by forcing them into the PSN ecosystem. Force is the only way they have an ecosystem. People say “PS5 has no games” despite that object supporting hundreds of titles and basically the entire PS4 library. What they mean is: having a PS5 is fine. But why should you buy it instead of something else? What’s the difference, anymore?

If the highest possible rating isn’t “any adult can have it,” that’s a censorship board with better PR.

Germany might be doing it properly… nowadays.

Australia’s still fucked.

Don’t worry, he doesn’t actually give a shit about building anything.

An artist I followed fell off the internet and it made me a data hoarder.

In the AOL era.

– and he built a crooked Baggebo –

And “Rule 2” just means “nuh uhhh.”

Nothing inside a video game should cost real money.

That time I had to teach math to Patrick Star.

Runner-up is trying to explain mathematics versus notation… to a math teacher.

Fair warning: what this is, is, Elizer yes-that-guy Yudkowsky wrote a one-and-done Harry Potter novel, and it is everything you would expect. Some aspects are fantastic! Others… yikes. Within two chapters, it goes from spotting Umberto Eco’s Ur-Fascism in the Death Eaters’ whole pitch, to declaring Hermoine an NPC unless she can pass a gatekeeping knowledge-check about quarks.

A detail I love that’s not a spoiler: Crabbe and Goyle are well-characterized to act exactly the way they are in canon. They’ve been molded as bodyguards since they were little, and now they’re in wizard middle school getting to play tough-guy bruisers on Draco’s behalf, so of course they’re tryhard doofuses that he finds mildly embarrassing. But when Quirrel invites one of them to spar, demonstrating the ancient mystical defense known as… judo… Goyle quietly asks what belt he has. Quirrel says “seventh dan.” The tough-guy act comes right back up, and Goyle throws himself into it, because he knows he’s about to get his ass kicked, safely.

The whole thing is ultimately about modeling people on these layers of facade. A lot of it gets overly analytical and kinda up-its-own-ass. Certain characters call that out and condemn actions at face value, so some of it’s deliberate writing for the protagonist and antagonist. But only some.

Even with abundant benefit of the doubt, figuring ‘this guy wrote Harry like a know-it-all child,’ any recommendation would be complicated.

No joke, tankies are conservatives. The word doesn’t mean right-wing. It’s the consistent label for people who view reality as a team sport.

> “heh it still works”

> Skyrim, GTA V, OSRS

What’s that model where the sole occupant lays prone, and the whole body between the treads can rise up like a cobra to pewpew from a higher vantage point?