• bcgm3@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    a Satanic portal

    That’s a bit vague. What exactly are we talking about here?

    A portal that worships Satan? A portal of Satan’s making? Is it a portal that only Satan himself can use, or can anyone can use it and it leads them directly to Satan’s location, or magically turns them Satanic upon using it?

    • P00ptart@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      These are the scientific questions we really need to be asking. We’ll get our best people on it. The very best, they say. We’ll go hands waving “wifty wifty wifty” and boom, we’ll understand which democrat is on top of this satanic portal situation.

  • tlou3please@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Good. That’s why kids are so lazy these days. Back in my day battling demons and carrying a flask of holy water taught us a thing or two about life. I for one welcome the pro satanic portal stance of this administration.

  • satanmat@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    The most terrifying part of this, is that the words “Satanic Portal “ doesn’t immediately cause people to stop and say WTF?!!?

    • dohpaz42@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      I’m saying WTF.

      Everybody knows that Hell is down below us, and portals to Hell or Satan would open up on the ground and not in the sky where Heaven is located. Like, duh, man.

      • spongebue@lemmy.world
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        2 months ago

        I walked by the White House last week and that’s actually exactly what’s going on. I thought it was kinda nuts that the media isn’t covering it

  • rsuri@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    So I thought this must have been a tongue in cheek comment but I saw the actual video and it seems he’s actually serious, as is the maga host interviewing him (Eric Metaxas):

    “It’s still there?”
    “It’s still there.”
    “Ok, that’s nuts. Like how has the media not covered this?”
    “The media doesn’t cover a lot of things that are true.”

    • iAvicenna@lemmy.worldOP
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      2 months ago

      wow I would not imagine it to be so nuts, they even add a minimal dose of skepticism to make it sound genuine.

  • BenLeMan@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    All of this wouldn’t have happened if people just remembered to close the damn adrenochrome vat after use!

    • P00ptart@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      Come on, I’ve apologized for the release of those interdemensional entities so many times. What more do you want from me?!?

  • FuglyDuck@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    “I wonder if he knows all he has to do is let the Secret Service know he’s just going to the portal to get home and they’d let him through. I’d tell him myself…. Except I’d really rather he stayed over there….”

    -satan, almost certainly.

  • Etterra@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    I call bullshit. If there was really a satanic portal there, it would be plastic death metal at all hours.

  • jlewis@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    If any other conservative said that, I’d laugh it off. But if anyone knows about satanic stuff, it’s Roger Stone. This is like getting Star Wars spoilers direct from Dave Filoni.