This post comes up every so often, and every time either I, or someone else, reminds people that one of the Bible’s biggest stories is that of Jesus washing Mary Magdalene’s feet. Mary Magdalene was a “street walker” at the time, which is old times speak for hooker, thus making him a feet guy
He washed all the disciples feet ;)
Maybe it was like a Tarentino thing. You work with this guy for years and feet keep coming up so one day you ask him and he’s like “yeah ok, I’ve got a foot thing but it’s a personal thing” and you leave it at that but then you remember at the start of your career doing foot photos with him and you’re too embarrassed to ask but you always wonder…
No, washing feet was a common thing - they wore sandals or walked barefoot most of the time, it was a common hygiene practice. It was just a task for “submissive”-classed people - the wife would wash the husband’s feet, and so on.
Jesus was subverting social norms in multiple ways.
Jesus seemed like a great dude. Shame that none of his followers pay attention to the lessons he taught.
I know I just thought it was funny
Agreed he had an obsession with washing peoples feet. As I see it, as an evolved and enlightened human he was probably a pan sexual with a feet washing fetish
You gotta be careful though, because the Bible basically called every woman that is featured in it a whore. A lot of this is actually more modern translation stuff, clerics of the dark ages loved adding whore to ever female description
clerics when they see a woman:
Well there are several stories in the Bible about Jesus riding an ass, but none about Jesus riding boobs. So I think it’s safe to say Jesus was an ass man.
As the WORD of God he’s the source of Proverbs and Song of Solomon so…
Her: Dark am I, yet lovely, because I am darkened by the sun - Song of Solomon 1
so… tanned
works with eager hands… her arms are strong for her tasks - Proverbs 31
… toned forearms …
Her: Like an apple[c] tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste - Song of Solomon 2
… not opposed to oblique references to pre-marital fellatio …
Her: strengthen me with raisins
… … … nutrition aware(?) …
Her: I am … a lily of the valley … My beloved … browses among the lilies
… not opposed to oblique references to pre-marital cunnilingus … (see also 4:16)
Him: Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead. 2 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. 3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely - Song of Solomon 4
… mysterious eyes … flowing hair … no missing teeth (lol) … red lips …
Him: Your breasts are like two fawns
… young(?), pert, nimble breasts …
Him: You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water
… looks at camera …
Her: Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere
… … my bro was definitely into some sensory stuff …
Her: My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the bolt. - Song of Solomon 5
(authors of erotic lit take note, this is your lord and god speaking)
Him: I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley, to see if the vines had budded or the pomegranates were in bloom. - Song of Solomon 6
… so … pubescent? hey, could be worse …
Him: Your graceful legs are like jewels - Song of Solomon 7
… legs guy! …
Him: Your breasts are like two fawns
… breasts again! …
Him: your breasts like clusters of fruit
… breasts mention number 3 …
Him: May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine
… #4 …
breasts … like towers - Song of Solomon 8
… #5 …
I think you can draw your own conclusions.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk
Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead.
Guess that was considered beautiful, millennia ago.
Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
Cares for personal hygiene, i guess?
Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead.
Guess that was considered beautiful, millennia ago.
This is probably the imagery… (except dark mountain goats)
Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
Cares for personal hygiene, i guess?
More likely good health and youth to be honest, elsewhere he says her breath smells of apples (in a good way lol)…
Well, in those times they didn’t really have dentists, so having all one’s pearly whites in a adulthood was not common.
He was homosexual based on all his male buddies he liked to have dinner with. So, definitely an ass lover.
Well, Christ came riding upon an ass, so I think this is an easy question to answer
I honestly can’t say, but I know one thing for certain.
the man loved to get nailed.
The Bible doesn’t say anything about Jesus’ sexuality, let alone preferences. In fact what it does say could lead you to virtually any conclusion.
First, there is zero evidence that Mary was a prostitute as mentioned elsewhere. She was just a follower of Jesus. Biblical scholar Bart Ehrman tells about a fragment of a manuscript of an apocryphal gospel that says “Jesus loved Mary and used to kiss her on the…” and that’s where the fragment is broken off. Our dirty little imaginations could come up with anything to finish that sentence but the lost part probably says something stupid like “forehead.”
There was “the diciple that Jesus loved” who is once mentioned sleeping on Jesus’ busom. The diciple isn’t identified but the disciples were supposedly all men.
When he was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane, a naked boy was seen running away.
So, we can draw any conclusion we want. The clear answer is probably boobs because he was really into missionary stuff.
I second the boob analysis (ass myself). The whole having his feet washed and with their hair means he was probably looking down the shirt. An ass man would have them washing their own feet. Of course, it could be neither and just a foot fetish thing instead.
tells about a fragment of a manuscript of an apocryphal gospel that says
Aren’t those Gnostic texts and therefore not Christian cannon?
Probably. I don’t remember what that exact fragment came from. I was using apocryphal, maybe wrongly, to mean non-canonical
Long hair, glamorous face, skinny ripped body? Jesus was a twink.
He loves them both, since non should be excluded.
Was there not a passage about how he washed feet or something?
Boobs? Ass? Ew. He was clearly a dong man. That whole bit about parting the sea? He actually just whipped out his gigantic cock and created a bridge with it.
I thought “parting the Sea” was a euphemism for spreading some bussy?
It’s a tough question, to be sure. I mean, we can look through the book for hints about it here and there, but I think the best way is to look at the followers who are closest to him. That said… Pedophile. Jesus was definitely a pedophile.
Homie travelled alone with twelve guys that he loved and they truly loved him back. He never made a pass at Mary Magdalene, and when Judas sold him out he sealed Jesus’s fate with a kiss.
Jesus was definitely an ass man.
Could he not have been ace?
Breasts, there’s a lot of art made of Christ being breastfed.
