What as a English man should I look out for on a trip to the USA.
USA is really quite safe, just remember to not be black or a woman
Oh and wear a ballistics vest if you’re going anywhere near a school
Don’t try to bring food. I’ve seen people stopped for smuggling meat. You’re probably okay with packaged sweets or chocolate, but you should declare it.
Don’t be fooled into thinking you can get tea if you see it offered. It may be some strange flavour, or very weak, or iced, or all three. And it will be hard to explain that you want milk and sugar with it.
Biscuits are good enough, but chocolate is rough.
And, of course, a “biscuit” will mean a type of savory scone.
If your shop, at most stores they will pack shopping bags for you and are a little shocked and overly grateful if you do it yourself.
Be prepared to tip in many circumstances (but not, oddly enough, for having your groceries packed).
Be prepared to be asked about football, the Beatles, the Queen, maybe even the King.
Don’t be offended is someone attempts to do a British accent at you, it’s meant as a friendly greeting.
If driving:
Four-way stops are like roundabouts without the roundabout. But with stop signs.
Pedestrians are not expected to look out for traffic, but are not allowed to just cross anywhere. So it balances out.
Someone has stolen the clutch pedals from all the cars.
So glad I’m not driving
Well, I hope this thread has also put you off being a pedestrian.
Can’t tell if you realize this is a shitpost
I noticed! That’s why my reply became a semi-crazed random stream of consciousness.
They’re driving on the right side.
Good reminder, he should teach them how to drive on the left. Lead by example.
Where in the USA are you going. Saying you’re going to the USA is like saying you’re going to europe. There’s a vast difference between the different states and regions within those states.
[State removed] mate just a short stay
My condolences.
Mostly joking, I dont know a damn thing about Arizona. There should be some beautiful national parks there but other than that it’s pretty empty. Vastly different landscape than the UK though so that should be interesting. Also you’re definitely visiting durring the right time of year.
I lived in Tucson for a while. Very good food scene.
Weather is actually pretty nice this time of year.
Nothing really special to be aware of. Stay away from cholla cactus. Lol
I recommend travel health insurance. It’s affordable and a good piece of mind considering their healthcare can be extremely expensive.
Eh, if it’s a hospital you just don’t pay the bill. If it’s an urgent care it’s pretty cheap.
Don’t forget your gun. America is extremely dangerous but only if you’re unarmed. All the criminals and cops can smell if you have a gun and they’ll be too afraid to do anything to you if you have one.
Also you can’t trust our water, so it’s purely Soda and Budweiser while you’re here. Locals might tell you to eat at local restaurants but their stomachs are habituated. You’ll need to stick to McDonald’s. Luckily there is one on every single corner.
If you get injured you should avoid using an ambulance as they will take you directly to a hospital. In the US that’s just where we go to die. You need to drive yourself to an Urgent Care doctor. If you can’t drive yourself and have to use an ambulance then there is a complimentary memorial wreath that can be sent to your family. Along with the invoice for your death care of course.
The US is smaller than it appears on maps. This is because most maps are not American centric and have to expand the US to show the ratio properly. You might have budgeted multiple days to travel between the coasts but you really can just do New York one day and the Grand Canyon the next day.
Did I miss anything? Oh yeah it’s traditional to make a bomb joke with the customs agent as you come into the country. Especially if you can manage a middle eastern accent. All of us do it. It’s a grand joke.
Did I miss anything?
Cops are usually chill and laid back, but they get tired of the monotony of their job sometimes and appreciate the use of erratic, unpredictable movement when interacting with them. They also like someone who is proactive, so instead of waiting for them to ask you for your licence and registration, just jump right out of your car as soon as they step out of theirs and pull your wallet out of your pocket as quickly as you can for them. You’ll never have an issue with the cops again after this.
🤣🤣🤣
Don’t take your real phone with you. Just get a cheap burner phone that you can reset after customs went through it.
Never take the ambulance. They will suck your money and your soul.
My condolences
I’m told the temperature is different here.
Assuming this isn’t satire… It really depends on where you’re going. Assuming you’ll be in a big city, I’d say it’s pretty comparable to London. Don’t go walking along vacant streets at night, or during the day if the area gives you bad vibes. Avoid confrontation with anyone looking to start some shit. In big crowds I like to keep my wallet and phone in a front or otherwise harder-to-access pocket.
All that being said, most tourist areas are quite safe.
Buy a gun on day one. Just go to almost any gun show and bam, no paperwork. You’ll need a gun because there is this nationwide gang, they are crazy organized, drive the same cars, all rep the color blue and collectively hate immigrants, not you, the poor ones. Anyway I believe they go by “police officer” or “cops” i prefer little piggy but that dont, steer clear at all costs, but if you have to, take out your ghetto blaster and pump em full of lead.
You’ll die a hero and recognized for decades to come, or the cops will bury you in a shallow grave somewhere in Mississippi and act like you were kidnapped, no in between, good luck soilder
It would appear i upset some of you with my totally serious comment, have you considered buying a gun and coming after me? That’s your right when in murica
