DISCLAIMER: Silly Thought Exercise: NOT AN ENDORSEMENT OF REPLACING BIDEN. I personally do not think replacing Biden is a good idea at this stage in the election. I think that’s more dangerous than keeping him, sadly, but he’s who we’ve got. I’m just looking for shitposty thoughts on this question, please and thank you.
What-over-the-top absurd person would you choose to replace Biden who you think could actually body Trump, and why?
For an example, my choice would be based on the idea that the only thing that makes a bully like Trump wilt is a bigger bully. Secondly, US citizens love trash talking and sports and absolutely will vote for someone who is already famous, they certainly love their celebrities. Finally, what better sport for trash talk than basketball?
In that, my choice would be basketball legend Larry Bird. (he’s famously apolitical, so it’s hard to know if he would actually be politically aligned against Trump.)
…but, the thing is, Larry Bird is a masterclass trash talker.
And that is really what throws Trump off and throws him into obscene tantrums where his composure is lost and he comes off like a whining loser: when he’s been taken down a peg by someone else. Nothing sticks deeper in his craw. I don’t think he could handle Larry Bird’s level of shit-talk, Bird is like god-tier.
I can imagine Bird calling Trump out and saying he can smell his shit-filled diaper from across the auditorium, obviously Bird would describe more colorfully than I. The thing is, I can also see that absolutely throwing Trump into hysterics.
Also, at 67 Bird’s a fucking spring chicken compared to Biden or Trump.
So, I’m hoping for answers that are a bit silly, like this. Larry Bird is obviously not actually a good choice for this. I just like chuckling at the idea, because real life has gotten so absurd I need to hide in even deeper absurdity.
What’s your absurd Biden replacement? Please, I think we could use some laughs.
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
That wasn’t a requirment of the hypothetical fun internet situation.
Whatever happened to Whiplash? You know, that spider monkey that would dress up as a cowboy and ride around on a border collie at rodeos and in a few Taco John’s commercials. Put him in there. The border collie can be his running mate… (get it? get it?)
I’ve been watching clips of Tig Notaro standup lately. I think her smack talk would go over Trump’s head (most does that is anything beyond anatomical or golf related, tbf) but I would enjoy her deadpan zingers.
Real answer is any seasoned politician under 60 should be able to talk circles around him. Both sounded bad last night, Trump’s only win was in comparison to Biden’s energy level.
I’ve been trying to watch her show and can’t get into it. I’ll give it another shot.
I watched clips of her on late night shows before I tried getting into any of her standup. Her standup is very dry and deadpan. I haven’t seen her TV show of the fictionalized account of her and her wife getting together, doesn’t really sound like my jam.
To me, she is the epitome of “don’t need a lot of formal education to be wicked smart”.
Oh yeah, Tig’s a great choice, a very measured and cool head in response to his drivel.
I think Weird Al Yankovic would be the perfect opponent. The absurdity of a political debate where Trump spouts absolute nonsense in a perfectly serious manor while Al lays serious facts in the most nonsensical form would be the show of the century and weird Al has better qualifications for the job by trumps standards having maintained cultural relevancy and financial stability for 4 decades. Plus he’s jest super likeable.
He’s also a perfect counterpoint as a healthy representative of the Christian religion. It’s the reason he doesn’t curse in his songs. He’s a good clean, Christian boy!
Would they let him respond to debate questions in song with his accordion? Dear GOD I hope so.
…with Vice President… hang on I’m having trouble reading this… Hot Saucerman? Shock Jockerman? Trick Shotterman? Yacht Rockerman? Who is this guy??
Leslie knope
Andrew Callaghan. Just sit there an ask Trump simple questions with a vibe so chill he self destructs without any outside interference.
Woof, first dozen web search hits are about sexual misconduct. Maybe not.
When he does press appearances, he responds to journalists questions with… questions of his own.
Dwayne Johnson is an incredible trash talker by the same logic and would own his candy ass
Stone Cold Steve Austin.
WHAT?
I had thought about some folks in that wheelhouse, too. Sometimes I really wish Macho Man Randy Savage was still around.
I don’t know why my first thought was John Cena
Because Trump would never see him coming.
Mustard or Mayo?
Why not go straight for the Ultimate Warrior, get him in a debate with Trump, and make the host cry?
Well, Marshall Mathers in his Slim Shady persona would be interesting. Not sure who I would pair him up with for VP though.
I figure after 4 years of Slim Shady as President, we would either have world peace or the world would be in pieces.
Not sure who I would pair him up with for VP though.
Dude, you forgot about Dre.
Go all in on milking generational divide and do like a Taylor Swift / Kendrick Lamar ticket. I definitely think either of them could do a better job at being president than our current batch of options.
Andrew Tate
Hookers and Bugattis for everyone…
We don’t need 2 nazis debating each other
Bring Orson Welles back from the dead
Don’t even. Just his dug-up skeleton.
John Stewart
I don’t know John Stewart, but Jon Stewart would be an interesting choice.
At this point I’d take either the superhero or the comedian
Fixed
Stewart/Colbert ticket would absolutely rock his orange ass off.
Jon Stewart for president with someone central to Biden’s cabinet who actually knows about politics and the stuff Biden was doing, as VP, to be able to give him on the job training on the actual politics part to match his sharpness level and his heart
With Presidential Cabinet members Steve Carrell, John Oliver, Samantha Bee, Judge John Hodgman, Jordan Klepper and Lewis Fucking Black.
I’m not even sure if this one is silly as much as it is serious. Too bad Stewart would never want the job!
Not wanting the job is a good thing. That’s how it should be…
I don’t care if he doesn’t want the job
I think Biden has done great stuff (domestically 🙁) and I would expect good policies from him and obviously a dead plant would be a better president than Trump, but his debate performance is kinda hard to put a good spin on
And therefore it is clear that what the world needs to see is a Jon Stewart vs Donald Trump debate
Vermin Supreme, because every American deserves a pony
Robert Evans – writer, comedian, conflict journalist, podcaster – Cracked, Bellingcat, Behind the Bastards, did a podcast from Rojava, and reported live from Portland’s George Floyd protests
Would absolutely lose Grand Rapids MI because of his friends though
I’m ootl here, what do you mean?
