A former model who was a finalist in the Miss Switzerland contest was allegedly murdered and “pureed” in a blender by her husband, officials in Switzerland are reported to have said.
Kristina Joksimovic, 38, was found dead in her home in Binningen, near Basel, Switzerland, in February this year.
According to local news outlet BZ Basel, a man named Thomas, 41, had an appeal for release from custody denied by the Federal Court in Lausanne on Wednesday after he reportedly confessed to killing his wife, with whom he had two children.
BZ Basel also said Thomas was arrested the day after Ms Joksimovic’s body was found, and initially told investigators he had found her dead and dismembered her body in their laundry room in panic.
Let those who have not dismembered a family member in a panic with a jigsaw and garden shears before dissolving their pulped body in a bath of acid throw the first stone.
When you put it like that… Maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to judge.
It was self defense, after all, and one can never be too safe.
In Florida this man would be a hero.
If only he got the mental health he needed…
That’s an episode of “Will It Blend?” I didn’t think we’d ever get in real life.
It’s one of could have gone my entire life without knowing was a possibility.
gross.
“the ruling from the court held Ms Joksimovic was strangled to death.”
CSI Switzerland must be fucking wizards, man.
He might not have finished blending her corpse. I think they can also determine the cause of death from tissue samples sometimes.
This story is wild to read, how do you purée someone and still find a body and determine they were strangled?
I suspect he vastly underestimated the scope of the job.
Shopkeeper: Oh, hello Thomas, back already? How was that blender? Not big enough you say? Well how big do you need? A whole large coconut you say?
I mean, considering how some of them can struggle with ice cubes, you’d need one hell of a (consumer grade) blender to effectively get rid of a body
Start with a wood chipper.
Saw that in a movie once.
You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute.
Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.
Yeah but that sprays evidence everywhere, best to find a deep, dark, cold lake somewhere.
If you can get the body out to international waters over a particularly deep section of ocean maybe… not gonna trust a lake to not betray me
Unless it’s the big lake Gitche Gumee in November… then you’re golden
Lake Superior is deep enough. but it’s cold enough the corpse won’t go away anytime soon.
I imagine you can fit a wood chipper into a boat and then take care of all the problems that way.
I have it on good authority that Lake Superior never gives up her dead.
Ugh have my upvote you heathen
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The article is unclear about which body parts were dismantled and blended, i assume he just did the arms and legs or something. Which leaves a lot of the body to be found and analyzed.
Basically, if i get this right, he was cutting the body in pieces and blending them one by one, which i assume must be a long process so no wonder he got caught. Honestly if i were to get rid of a body that would also be my plan in its entirety
“We’re here about the homicide. Where’s the body?”
“Nope, ain’t nothing here except 60 litres of strawberry smoothie”.
You’d be surprised the things they can figure out with modern forensics, maybe low oxygen in the remaining tissue, maybe a special enzyme that activates in the lungs when you are carbon dioxide poisoned.
The leaps in detection technology even in the last ten years are astounding.
Because what sane person, who upon walking into their home and finding a loved one unconscious (or even worse :dead:) doesn’t reach for their blender.
Amiright, guys??
Look I was hungry and the fridge only had two slices of cheese, a quarter of a bottle of expired milk, and some random sauce packets. I worked woth what I had on hand.
He did what with the what now!?
To shreds you say?
Oh
Oh no
Because that would sure eliminate the DNA evidence…
A murderer and a moron.
Redundant, 99.99% of murderers are complete morons.
I don’t know about morons, but you have to be pretty ignorant to think you can get away with murdering your spouse these days.
The ones that get caught anyways
Most of murders aren’t calculated acts with an escape plan, a lot of them done in a heat of a situation or under some influence.
This guy probably didn’t thought he’d do that and then panicked, couldn’t manage to find any other way to get rid of the body but using a blender he usually used to smash vegs and stuff.
Other ways of life could’ve probably lead him to another tool or method he is comfortable with in his day-to-day life, but his first thought was a blender.
The start of the headline lured me in for the biggest WTF moment I’ve had in ages. I’ll be sweating bullets the next time I see something about a former model/Miss-Wherever
People following the story of a former Olympic runner: First time?
My mind couldn’t contemplate the title when I first read it. I thought this was some sort of AI art or deep fake “blender” program that he was selling nudes or vids of her that he had constructed… the whole actual person being put into a blender just didn’t even compute.
Did he drink her?
That is the question
They quoted the word “pureed” which means there was butter and potato starch involved
That’s better. I was afraid he was just gonna chop her up. But having her as some portion of a meal… So much better.
Oh save me Raptor Jesus
What the fuck bros
Poor girl…
MBS gonna hire this guy
