In other news, Elon Musk was rushed to the hospital today because of ‘a foreign object being lodged in his rectum’. A reliable source mentioned that the billionaire slipped and fell on an unfortunately placed basket of potatoes.
An attending physician anonymously commented that the object proved difficult to remove as ‘the patient was extremely uptight’.
Further information will be shared as it becomes available.
Was this ‘foreign object’ a certain social media founder’s rat penis?
I thought it was his head but apparently that has been stuck up there for a while and is a pre existing condition and this was something new
slipped and fell on an unfortunately placed basket of potatoes
“It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one”
how much time does a foreign object has to spend in your rectum to cease being foreign and became a permanent resident?
He’s actually still the president.
If facts wanted to stay on social media, they should have cared about billionaires’ feelings.
I don’t want them to be the arbiters of truth, but they do need to fix their algorithms to not blow up every single bullshit piece of right-wing hysteria.
There is a fundamentally political aspect to how social media algorithms promote posts. They need to be designed to be impartial and promote thorough examination of facts instead of “controversy”.
This is not true. He died of complications following a botched at-home fecal transplant
Sure, if you believe the coroner they bribed to cover up the other stuff.
Careful with your satire, folks. He’s got money, and people with money tend to be pretty quick on the “defamation lawsuit” trigger.
Edit: I’m not saying don’t. Please do. But be careful about what you say, and where you post it; and probably stay as anonymous as you can when/if you do.
He’s welcome to try to get the $200 or so that’s in my bank account if he really wants it.
I hope you get back on your feet soon bro ❤️💰
That’s as on your feet as it gets for a lot of Americans. But I hope so too, thanks.
Nice humble bragging, “Oh look at me, my bank account is in the positive.”
Would it help if I said it’s only because my wife gives me money since I don’t have a job?
“oh no, I am a kept man, woe is me!”.
The next thing you will tell us is how difficult it is to have such a hot and horny wife who insists that you have frequent and amazing sex with her.If only.
Satire against a public figure has historically been ruled as free speech.
Until the corrupt billionaires pay the corrupt assholes on the supreme court enough to overturn it of course.
Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. We’re there. Be careful.
Yeah right ok but again, money. And Money creates around it a legality-distortion field.
He’s welcome to try, that’s not going to fly where I’m from.
Look at Mr. Fancypants here, living in a place with a functional judiciary
TIL Facebook is headquartered in Nebraska.
Don’t take anything in this as true, it’s Menlo Park, ca
Edit: actually that’s meta, I’m not clear whether fb has a separate hq
OMG that’s awesome. Not enough upvotes for this.
Weird, I could’ve sworn this exact same joke about Musk when he bought twitter and did the same.
Don’t threaten me with a good time
