Clearly, it’s because short sentences fall short of expressing the multitudinous virtues and extraordinary merits that Cicero so abundantly possessed.

Explanation: The meme contrasts Cicero (depicted in the middle) with Naevius (left) and Martial (right).

The first quote is taken from one of the remaining fragments of Naevius’ poetry, and it’s a jab at Publius Cornelius Scipio, also known as Scipio Africanus. It’s your daily reminder that no matter how glorious, capable, brilliant, and manly the heroes of the past are depicted, they were just men, and they probably had their fair share of secret affairs and other things they wanted to hide under the rug. It’s also a reminder that Naevius is the poet Rome needed but didn’t deserve. This is the original quote:

Etiam qui res magnas manu saepe gessit gloriose,
cuius facta viva nunc vigent, qui apud gentes solus praestat,
eum suus pater cum palliod unod ab amica abduxit.

Martial’s quote is from his Epigrams (3, XXVI). Unfortunately, the target of his satire is lost to time, but feel free to speculate who might hide behind the nickname “Candidus”!

Praedia solus habes et solus, Candide, nummos
Aurea solus habes, murrina solus habes
Massica solus habes et Opimi Caecuba solus
Et cor solus habes, solus et ingenium
Omnia solus habes - hoc me puta velle negare!
Uxorem sed habes, Candide, cum populo.

At last, Cicero’s word salad is from De Domo Sua. This is the full translation, although, honestly, who gives a flying fuck about Cicero’s megalomaniacal rants? But for context, it’s a speech where he paints himself as one of the greatest heroes of Rome, the saviour of the state, and deserving not only of receiving his land back that his adversaries had stripped from him but also of having his house rebuilt at the expense of the state. Here’s the full quote:

Quocirca te, Capitoline, quem propter beneficia populus Romanus optimum, propter vim maximum nominavit, teque, Iuno Regina, et te, custos urbis, Minerva, quae semper adiutrix consiliorum meorum, testis laborum exstitisti, precor atque quaeso, vosque qui maxime [me] repetistis atque revocastis, quorum de sedibus haec mihi est proposita contentio, patrii penates familiaresque, qui huic urbi et rei publicae praesidetis, vos obtestor, quorum ego a templis atque delubris pestiferam illam et nefariam flammam depuli, teque, Vesta mater, cuius castissimas sacerdotes ab hominum amentium furore et scelere defendi, cuiusque ignem illum sempiternum non sum passus aut sanguine civium restingui aut cum totius urbis incendio commisceri, ut, si in illo paene fato rei publicae obieci meum caput pro vestris caerimoniis atque templis perditissimorum civium furori atque ferro, et si iterum, cum ex mea contentione interitus bonorum omnium quaereretur, vos sum testatus, vobis me ac meos commendavi, meque atque meum caput ea condicione devovi ut, si et eo ipso tempore et ante in consulatu meo commodis meis omnibus, emolumentis, praemiis praetermissis cura, cogitatione, vigiliis omnibus nihil nisi de salute meorum civium laborassem, tum mihi re publica aliquando restituta liceret frui, sin autem mea consilia patriae non profuissent, ut perpetuum dolorem avulsus a meis sustinerem: hanc ego devotionem capitis mei, cum ero in meas sedis restitutus, tum denique convictam esse et commissam putabo.

Yep, it’s all a single sentence. Thankfully this wasn’t stashed in the Library of Alexandria, or that fire would still be burning today!

The two of them probably deserve to be paired in a hypothetical sequel to Plutarch’s Lives. Muskrat is clearly Crassus reborn.

I wish some big-name YT/Twitch personality helped raise awareness for the petition. It’s ending in a few months and if nothing changes, I don’t see it reaching the required signatures in time.

Don’t know what you’re talking about, I only simulate their best day.

On the left: the famous historian Tacitus.

On the right: historically accurate depiction of Olympiodorus of Thebes (that’s Thebes, Egypt, not Greece). He was a historian and diplomat who served under Theodosius II (Byzantine emperor from 408 to 450). He had quite the adventurous life, undertaking diplomatic missions that took him from the northern border among the Huns, to the southern border among the barbarian populations that inhabited Nubia, and to Italy in the west.
Most importantly, he always travelled with his faithful friend: a parrot “with which he himself lived twenty years, which mimicked nearly all the acts of a human being. It used to dance and sing, call people by their names and the like.” I’m sure he was a funny guy to have at parties.

Having a wife is SISSY and EFFEMINATE. I only have MANLY sex with other MEN.

Some of the readability updates (monster location, possible loot, ability scores and initiative bonus) are cool.

The stat blocks themselves, though, retain the usual problem, imo. These monsters are not up to par with a party of their level. The CR6 cyclops has no legendary resistances, for example, in a game where every martial character forces a saving throw on a hit with the newly introduced weapon masteries.

They also removed some flavour from the stat blocks. The dragon doesn’t make claws/bite/tail attacks, for example, but generic “rend” attacks.

Explanation: Studying ancient history is like playing Minesweeper, but half the time the numbers don’t appear, and if they do, they’re wrong, and you aren’t even told if you click on a mine at all!
Historians really have no room to be picky about their sources, but this is a reminder not to believe everything some old dude wrote on paper thousands of years ago.

The first image references Book VI of Caesar’s Commentarii De Bello Gallico, where he talks about the Germanic tribes. We know he’s full of shit because Tacitus (depicted in the second image) gives a wholly different account of the Germanic tribes in his Germania. Although one should be wary of him too, as he never went to Germany in person, and most of his book probably relies on second-hand sources (some speculate Pliny the Elder, considering that some of the information he gives is outdated by the time the book hit the press).

TL;DR: I wish I could travel back in time and punch these guys in the face.

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Oh, he did the exact opposite of that! He built his career on standing up against authority. When Rome banned the Bacchanalia, Naevius wrote a tragedy (Lycurgus) about a Thracian king who did the same thing and was punished by Dionysus/Bacchus (a roundabout way to say “fuck you” to the senate, if you ask me).
He also wrote comedies and satires that heavily involved the politics of his time, especially concerning the powerful Metellus family and Publius Cornelius Scipio. He was so good at his work that they had to ban his form of satire (as in, ad hominem attacks against the higher-ups) and imprison him.
Naevius is the MVP of Latin literature. Everyone else is just a fuckboy of some random aristocrat or emperor.

Explanation: While Virgil’s Aeneid is pretty well known, only fragmentary records remain of his two main influences: Ennius’ Annales and, most importantly, Naevius’ Bellum Poenicum, the first Latin epic poem (that we know of).
Of the Annales, written in the 2nd century BC, we have 600-ish fragmentary lines, and it was one of the biggest Latin epic poems of its time, recounting Rome’s history from the Trojan War to the Aetolian War. It fell out of grace sometime after the Imperial Age, with Virgil already criticizing Ennius’ “crude style”.
But far more fascinating is the Bellum Poenicum, written during the 3rd century BC: almost completely lost to time (we only have 50-ish fragments, most of which one-liners), we know very little about it. Written in “Saturnian”, the old Latin/Italic poetic form indigenous to Italy (perhaps inspired by Greek poetry, but it’s difficult to say), it wove history and myth together, perhaps even including Aeneas and Dido’s love story. If this was true, it would paint a much stronger connection between the Bellum Poenicum and Virgil’s literary masterpiece.

Although difficult to ascertain, the meme is exaggerated and Naevius was (probably) NOT the “creator” of Aeneas’ myth. It could have been much older than that, although our knowledge of the humble beginnings of Rome’s literature is so spotty, that even making wild guesses would somehow feel wrong.

(EDITed with a bit more clarifications)

So why is he remembered as an incompetent, retarded dickback? He prosecuted Christians in his reign

I don’t think that the persecution of Christians factors into this - many other emperors did it that we remember fondly.

I just think that he wasn’t very good at the propaganda game. Many historians belonged to the senatorial class, which was at odds with the emperor (all of them), and Nero was not able to counter that.

Impartiality - or a lack thereof - is a problem that we face with a lot of historical figures. I very much doubt that Xerxes flogged the Hellespont, for example, but the Greek historians loved that tidbit because it showed his hybris. Same with Nero playing music while Rome burns.

From what I remember of my studies, he was a “good enough” emperor, especially in his earlier years, but didn’t know how to play the political game at all. The senate hated him (but honestly, they were a corrupt bunch who hated pretty much everyone), and a lot of people around him attempted to use him for their own political games, which eventually made him grow suspicious of everyone else.

Goddamit I never realized that the Golden Fleece myth was located that far. I always place greek/romans myths in a nebulous “some random ass island located somewhere in the Mediterranean”, but it makes sense that the greeks would locate some of their stories in the Black Sea, which was very near their homeland.

Nomen omen

It’s been almost twenty years and I still can’t find a game that gives me the same chills. I was hoping that they’d release a Medieval Remastered the same way they did for Rome Remastered, but it didn’t happen.

I hear that the 1212 mod for Attila Total War provides a more “up to date” experience for today’s standards (graphics, historical accuracy, AI, diplomacy). But I can’t fathom playing Medieval without Duke of Death.

However, Tintin remains under copyright in the EU until 2054.

What the fuck, EU? Since when you’re shittier than the US?

Copyright shouldn’t last more than one hundred years, ffs.

“Remember your safety helmets, everyone!” - Gaul leader who sends his men barefoot and bare chest to the battlefield.

Both the first game of 2024 and the last one was Medieval II: Total War.

Conquered the world with France at the start of the year, now doing the same with the Danes.

I’m just saying what they could do if they were willing to. Your argument was that:
A) Valve should not stop casinos from profiting off vulnerable people, because they have already made money off those people and it would somehow be unfair to stop now, which to me sounds ridiculous.
You are using this as an argumentation that the government should ban them instead of Valve, but the end tesult would be the same. The casinos would walk away with the money, and the victims would be left to cry over it.
B) Poor Valve could not compete with their competition if they didn’t have the money they are gaining from their gambling-adjacent market, which to me sounds even more ridiculous. When Epic attempted to pry open the market using one of the biggest and most successful games ever as a leverage, they largely failed because the Steam user base was too entrenched. Steam is literally printing money right now and they don’t need the CS skin money to compete with anyone.