Ignoring that this is probably bullshit, I think the bigger problem is that you’ve had multiple bigger and even more smaller arguments in only 8 months. Just break up.
If you consider multiple big arguments in the first 8 months of a new relationship a “minor inconvenience”, then I hope you only have partners that agree with you and spare all the normal people.
Since we’re playing silly numbers: 0. You can, and likely will, disagree but healthy people shouldn’t escalate into anything resembling an argument.
But speaking of silly numbers. All of those you used. No one says “a couple” when they have a concrete number in mind unless they’re looking to downplay the number. It can be 2, it can be 3, it can be 4. It’s only, definitively, more than 1.
Also, why are big arguments being weighted the same as small arguments? Although I’m not going to quibble over how many small arguments a big argument is “worth” (assuming we take 1 ‘small argument’ as our unit).
Lastly, how often are you seeing each other in the first month that an argument, even a small one, doesn’t throw up red flags. If you REALLY like them on the first date, you’d make time to see them like twice a week or something? I’ll admit that there is leeway here as to what constitutes “dating” someone as some people see potential SOs for weeks (months?) before locking in. I also admit I’m abnormal as I frequently need time to not see people. My point remains that unless you’ve moved in with them as soon as you started dating, you are not seeing each other with enough frequency for that volume of arguments to make sense. Unless the arguments are about the (in)frequency of going on dates.
Idk if you saw my expansion in my comment to chicken in a different subthread.
If you have and this is still your answer, then whatever that’ll be your opinion and I’ll have mine. Some people smoke multiple packs a day and live to 80 but that doesn’t make smoking a healthy thing to do either.
Arguments don’t have to be angry, neither do competitions. Why is arguing and competing with each other unhealthy if it is friendly?
Two married Olympians both competed in women’s volleyball for different countries this year. Obviously they have a competitive marriage. It apparently is working for them.
Some people’s relationships are literally built around arguments and competition and they last decades.
Then you said in reply:
If you have and this is still your answer, then whatever that’ll be your opinion and I’ll have mine. Some people smoke multiple packs a day and live to 80 but that doesn’t make smoking a healthy thing to do either.
So no, you didn’t. You just suggested that what I said was equivalent to smoking multiple packs a day.
Sorry, I didn’t sanitize my output, assuming this would forestalled by the redirect to my other comment explaining I see how I was applying my implicit biases and connotations to what “argument” means.
I didn’t call out the addition of competitions then because I didn’t think this would sprawl as long as it did. I will do so now:
I never said a word about competitions and that, in my mind, has no inherent bearing on the healthiness of a relationship as there can be different types of competition. So we can immediately excise that from further discussion.
Addressing the sole part that is relevant now: I now agree arguments aren’t necessarily angry, by everyone’s definition. But that was the tone and definition with which I made the original comments up until that first reply to chicken.
You can see that segment as a revision of my first reply to you. Have a good whatever.
Ignoring that this is probably bullshit, I think the bigger problem is that you’ve had multiple bigger and even more smaller arguments in only 8 months. Just break up.
And I thought we left the “just break up over minor inconveniences” mindset behind on Reddit
If you consider multiple big arguments in the first 8 months of a new relationship a “minor inconvenience”, then I hope you only have partners that agree with you and spare all the normal people.
Let’s do a count:
Tell me, what is an acceptable frequency of arguments for you?
Since we’re playing silly numbers: 0. You can, and likely will, disagree but healthy people shouldn’t escalate into anything resembling an argument.
But speaking of silly numbers. All of those you used. No one says “a couple” when they have a concrete number in mind unless they’re looking to downplay the number. It can be 2, it can be 3, it can be 4. It’s only, definitively, more than 1.
Also, why are big arguments being weighted the same as small arguments? Although I’m not going to quibble over how many small arguments a big argument is “worth” (assuming we take 1 ‘small argument’ as our unit).
Lastly, how often are you seeing each other in the first month that an argument, even a small one, doesn’t throw up red flags. If you REALLY like them on the first date, you’d make time to see them like twice a week or something? I’ll admit that there is leeway here as to what constitutes “dating” someone as some people see potential SOs for weeks (months?) before locking in. I also admit I’m abnormal as I frequently need time to not see people. My point remains that unless you’ve moved in with them as soon as you started dating, you are not seeing each other with enough frequency for that volume of arguments to make sense. Unless the arguments are about the (in)frequency of going on dates.
Some people’s relationships are literally built around arguments and competition and they last decades.
Not every relationship has to fit into your mold.
Idk if you saw my expansion in my comment to chicken in a different subthread.
If you have and this is still your answer, then whatever that’ll be your opinion and I’ll have mine. Some people smoke multiple packs a day and live to 80 but that doesn’t make smoking a healthy thing to do either.
Arguments don’t have to be angry, neither do competitions. Why is arguing and competing with each other unhealthy if it is friendly?
Two married Olympians both competed in women’s volleyball for different countries this year. Obviously they have a competitive marriage. It apparently is working for them.
I’ve never said a single word about competitions in relationships.
Correct. I did:
Then you said in reply:
So no, you didn’t. You just suggested that what I said was equivalent to smoking multiple packs a day.
Sorry, I didn’t sanitize my output, assuming this would forestalled by the redirect to my other comment explaining I see how I was applying my implicit biases and connotations to what “argument” means.
I didn’t call out the addition of competitions then because I didn’t think this would sprawl as long as it did. I will do so now:
You can see that segment as a revision of my first reply to you. Have a good whatever.