• qarbone@lemmy.world
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    1 month ago

    If you consider multiple big arguments in the first 8 months of a new relationship a “minor inconvenience”, then I hope you only have partners that agree with you and spare all the normal people.

    • Contramuffin@lemmy.world
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      1 month ago

      “couple of big arguments and some smaller ones.”

      Let’s do a count:

      • big arguments: 2
      • smaller arguments: at least 3, let’s say 5
      • months: 8
      • Number of total arguments per month: (2+5) /8 = 0.875 arguments per month = less than 1 argument per month

      Tell me, what is an acceptable frequency of arguments for you?

      • qarbone@lemmy.world
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        1 month ago

        Since we’re playing silly numbers: 0. You can, and likely will, disagree but healthy people shouldn’t escalate into anything resembling an argument.

        But speaking of silly numbers. All of those you used. No one says “a couple” when they have a concrete number in mind unless they’re looking to downplay the number. It can be 2, it can be 3, it can be 4. It’s only, definitively, more than 1.

        Also, why are big arguments being weighted the same as small arguments? Although I’m not going to quibble over how many small arguments a big argument is “worth” (assuming we take 1 ‘small argument’ as our unit).

        Lastly, how often are you seeing each other in the first month that an argument, even a small one, doesn’t throw up red flags. If you REALLY like them on the first date, you’d make time to see them like twice a week or something? I’ll admit that there is leeway here as to what constitutes “dating” someone as some people see potential SOs for weeks (months?) before locking in. I also admit I’m abnormal as I frequently need time to not see people. My point remains that unless you’ve moved in with them as soon as you started dating, you are not seeing each other with enough frequency for that volume of arguments to make sense. Unless the arguments are about the (in)frequency of going on dates.