I have heard from multiple people that eye contact is essential in letting a girl (or guy, I guess) know you’re interested.

But what is the 411 when it comes to said eye contact? Do you keep looking until she does? Do you then keep staring? Or is like looking at the sun? What’s the deal?

  • pirate-dad@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    From my experience, if you make eye contact, look away briefly, then look back. If she’s still looking at you, hold eye contact for a moment and smile. If she likes you, she’ll likely smile back.

    If she’s purposely avoiding making eye contact the second time, don’t be a creep, carry on with your day 👌

    • tired_n_bored@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      No no no. If she’s purposely avoiding eye contact you have to stare at her with wide open eyes and a big smile.

      If she walks away follow her, if she starts running away from you, run after her. She’s telling you to come over.

      That’s how you conquer a woman /s

  • Shardikprime@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    First you need to approach in a non threatening way. Ideally, by shouting “I am bigger and stronger than you! If I wanted you dead, you’d be by now!”

    That way they know you are NOT a threat

    If possible, make them feel secure by brandishing a weapon of any kind. That way they know they WILL be safe near you

  • greedytacothief@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    So I think the question could be refined a little. Eye contact helps build connection between people, but it’s not the only piece of the puzzle. Maybe a better question is “'How do I communicate more empathetically?”

    There’s another question; “How do I let someone know I’m interested?” This question is related to the first in that trying to get close to another person (being vulnerable with each other) and communicating your feelings is how you let someone know your interested.

    TLDR: get to know them and tell them you’re interested. If they say they’re not interested you can probably still be friends since you already got to know each other. Empathy and humility/vulnerability are key in building relationships.

    • steeznson@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      Yeah people like it when you take a genuine interest in them so asking about their hobbies and passions is also a good way to flirt. Basically you are trying to give the other person the sense that you are equal parts interested and impressed by them.

      Edit: Been with my wife for 13 years now so this is probably bad advice for youngsters. These days they likely stare at their phones and send aubergine emojis to each other while sitting 2 feet away

      • greedytacothief@lemmy.world
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        2 months ago

        I’m not yet 30 and I think it’s good applicable advice. I think you can actually practice a lot of these skills by making friends. The difference between romantic and platonic isn’t that big.

  • lwuy9v5@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Behavioral mirroring is often a sign of trust or comfort, and applies to levels of eye contact as well. If someone is subconsciously doing the same things you are doing (e.g. longer and more direct eye contact if you initiate, more or slower blinking, more smiling, more relaxed postures to mirror yours), those are good signs of interest.

    The converse is also true. If you are doing a lot of direct eye contact, and it seems like the other person is often looking away or closing up their body (crossed arms or rotating their torso away), that’s a sign to reduce some of those behavioral signals to match.

    I’d say there isn’t a “This exact amount” to most things, as people are all different in their preferences, and it’s more about adjusting up and down with someone, in response to their small non-verbal or body language signals. They will likely be doing the same with you. Also, as others have mentioned - you can be more direct with words. If this is something you’re unfamiliar with and there’s someone you trust, you can say directly that you’re uncertain and ask something like “I’m not great at knowing how much eye contact feels correct, could you let me know if you notice too much or too little?”. If they are friendly with you, they’ll also likely be comfortable with the small request.

    Also, just to say it - eye contact can mean the general eye area - it doesn’t mean your exact pupil to their exact pupil. I find that if I focus on the literal eye/pupil, then I get strained trying and keep attention on that specific small area. If I focus on the general eye area (nose/forehead/eyebrow/general eye) - they both can’t tell that it’s indirect eye contact and it’s easier to let my body auto pilot focus

  • finitebanjo@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    You look them deep in the center of their eyes and breath deep and smile and then you use your fucking words to tell them.

    There is an evolutionary trait that checks potential partners for eye dilation after prolonged eye contact, supposedly to check for defects, but all it does is a little Seratonin so it’s useless in a world of rational choice.

  • Hikermick@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    There are plenty of videos out there on body language or “non verbal communication”. A common one which i picked up on long ago and to myself referred to as “the uppy/downy” look is what you want. It’s a clue someone MIGHT be into you when they make eye contact, look away (usually down), then make eye contact again. Allegedly they are checking you out, looking away, then looking to see if you’re still looking. It’s fair to say it works both ways.

  • rottingleaf@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    My opinion is that nothing insincere works, and you’d better find that interest inside yourself and allow it to guide you. Even if you won’t manage a lot of eye contact.

    But admittedly I have a diagnosis and I don’t have a girlfriend.

    • Skeezix@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      find that interest inside yourself

      I looked in my asshole but found something else entirely. Where is can I look? What other spot can I pick?

    • tpihkal@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      In the US, 411 was/is a phone number you could call for “information”, specifically directory assistance. Many carriers no longer offer it.

  • RBWells@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    There’s a song:

    “I was looking back to see if she was looking back to see if I was looking back at her”

    And also an Islamic proscription against looking twice at a person of opposite sex since it signals interest.

    So at least one sort of look that signals interest is the looking again. I also think the kind of sideways look with a smile is good.

    Do not go for intense and smoldering. That is some sort of advanced level shit that we civilians cannot manage, it will go wrong.

  • ngn@lemmy.ml
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    2 months ago

    bro the last paragraph makes you sound like an ailen trying to mimic humans ngl

  • shalafi@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    One element is to smile with your teeth. If a woman smiles with her mouth closed, it’s just a friendly thing. Old gf told me that and a couple of decades of observation have born that truth out.

    Know that face you make when you really want to smile, but are obviously holding it in? That can work.

    Making strong eye contact, holding-it-in-smile, then blushing away, just to look again with a full-teeth smile sends a strong signal.

    OTOH, if you have to consciously think about how to compose your face, you better be a trained actor. Humans have a solid sixth-sense for the disingenuous.

    In any case, don’t merely stare without expression. Yikes.

  • RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    It’s not just eye contact, there’s all the rest of it too including other body language and how you’re speaking to someone.

    That said, I used to occasionally hang with a guy that chased all the girls (the kind of guy that would ignore you as soon as a girl he could be interested in showed up) and he would all but stare at her in conversation. Made me uncomfortable by proxy, lol. Seemed effective, but that’s what he did.