If I ever have kids I’m going to be the voice of my ancestors.

Nonono, you’re doing that all wrong. You crumble the heating chemical up and pour it into a dry bottle. Now you can add a splash of water, cap it, and throw whenever you want to scare the bejeezus out of your battle buddies. Can you believe they used to try to make cherry bombs out of their gunpowder? This is so much easier.