its likely possible since you’re a human being and i image that it would take a lot of work given the manner in which you’ve shared this information.

there’s a song out there by sublime that speaks to me and has enabled me to seek out the help that i needed from professionals and maybe it can help you too in some way:

Daddy he once told me,

“Son, you be hard workin’ man”

And momma she once told me,

“Son, you do the best you can”

Then one day I meet a man,

He came to me and said,

"Hard work good and hard work fine,

but first take care of head"

they were referring to weed as a coping strategy in the song; which i also do; but i’ve used it also convince myself to seek out help because no one can take care of the shit that goes on their head if they don’t know what they’re doing.

Everything you go through makes you who you are. If your younger years were restricted, take in all you can now. Start by reading the things that were kept from you.

Let me make a really strange analogy here. Education and vocational schooling are actually effective tools when there is a problem with terrorists or militias robbing people, or cultlike groups and gangs organizing, moreso than just ramping up military or police security for communities and businesses and transports etc. You have to solve the source of the alienated disenfranchised young men who become these aggressors, there is no way to ever catch up to it.

What I am saying here is you shouldn’t focus on correcting yourself or beating yourself up, but finding education and assistance. If people who fought with ISIS or Boko Haram can be rehabilitated after a time, so can you!

Life is just waiting around doing what you want to fill the time till you die. Fill yours with reintegration projects. Join some clubs, join a support group. Never stop searching for what you’re seeking.

It’s funny you wish to be a part of this clown show. It takes all kinds to make the world go round.

I wish I could disconnect from everything and fly away from the planet. Fuck this dirty dirty planet.

Ok, I’m all in favor of some rather radical questions on here, but come on.

Every day is a new day, and the old ones are gone and past. Yes, those days helped form the way you turned out: but you’ve got a bright new start, and now You get to decide how you turn out. It gets better, especially as long as you want it to, and work to make it so, even just the tiniest bit each day.

Also, therapy is always recommended.

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Honestly my advice is to avoid the population at large as much as possible. Popular culture is bad for mental health.

As someone who’s been in a similar position… you can’t. I was extremely isolated and ‘homeschooled’ throughout my formative years. It appears to me that the feeling of alienation from peers is something most homeschooled children feel, and it doesn’t seem to go away. Crushing depression and anxiety resulted in a type of self-isolation in my latter years, which my dysfunctional parents enabled to an irresponsible degree.

The knee-jerk response seems to be “seek therapy” or inane platitudes like “you can live life now!”. They feel invalidating and trivialize our issues. On one hand it’s understandable. Unless you’ve been through this sort of abuse it’s probably impossible to accurately imagine its effects. On the other hand it’s just really sad and frustrating.

We’re missing a critical foundation. I don’t know if that can be restored. Personally, I don’t think it can. I’ll tell you the things I thought might help, but I failed at: try to get an education and qualifications, as you’ll have to work and these result in better opportunities. Try and socialize as much as you can. It will be difficult, and it will likely remain difficult, but you’ll likely get better at masking with enough practice. Talk to therapists that specialize in CPTSD maybe. I don’t really know… I’m struggling in similar circumstances, and I really haven’t found anything that helps.