Went on a lovely little weekend trip with my wife last weekend and we had some serious talks. I realised I’ve been dishonest with myself about a bunch of things. The common denominator is the fact that I’ve never really learned to talk to people about things I struggle with. Even though I’ve been doing fine in life in general, I’m really starting to see the boundaries of what friendships and family connections can be when you’re always trying to keep the peace and never bring anything up that could sour the mood (in my mind, anyway).

Something to work on, but it’s scary. Maybe I’m more afraid of being rejected than I’ve been telling myself I am.

This week has been pretty good so far. Paid off my car, so now I don’t need to think about that anymore :). I also found out just how amazing some of my friends are too!

I had a few good cries, happy and sad, and am really starting to feel like me, and haven’t felt like I’m trapped playing pretend in a little while now. All in all, it’s been a fantastic week to be me! ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

Well the neighbors now have two trees on their roof and we haven’t had power now in over a day, but otherwise fine. Workplace is open and has power and food so we’ve just been hanging out there.

Our home has no damage though.

I’m in a between place emotionally. Animal family member passed away recently. We knew it was coming but some irrational part of me thought he would be around forever, but he was in a lot of pain from some cancerous tumors that kept popping up, and he was not walking or moving well, incontinence, etc. I’m grateful he’s not in pain, but he was so damn loved and will always be a legendary pupper.

Landlord is selling our place as well and I’m super not into being under the thumb of another landlord, so I’m doing the scary thing - looking for houses.

Then there’s HR 9495 in the US Congress… This proposed bill in Congress could destroy so many sectors that rely on non-profits to protect the community, and not only is this a Pandora’s Box of fuckery, but there are untold ramifications. If you feel like telling your Democratic reps you do not support this bill, all the help is appreciated.

Finally, on a lighter note, I love and appreciate this community! I read everyone’s comments on these posts and appreciate posts like this. It’s a scary time ahead for many in our country and the world, but there are so many glimmers of hope that come from just having this platform for human discussions. Thank you for this, and sending love and kindness to everyone in their unique struggles. Know that you are cared for, and there are still far more good and genuine people in the world than bad.

I have done nothing but ship plastic for 3 hours.

I am a design engineer.

On the other hand, the fact that I have that much shit ready to go out for safety testing is kind of satisfying.

Thanks for posting this, Penguincoder! I hope you’re doing as well as possible. I appreciate you and wish you all the best! 💖

I wish I was channeling my inner Meatwad, lol. For me it’s more like “God has forced me to live another day and everyone is making it even more of a problem for me.”

Everything feels hopeless, I’m in too much pain and fatigue, I’m sick of my broken body and fucked up living environment. My beloved cat is still riddled with mysterious tumors I can’t afford to do anything about, which is fucked. I slipped into some stupid-ass self injurous behaviors again because I’m so overwhelmed with the hell and being useless and powerless. I just wish I could either be useful and capable, or cease to exist without hurting my poor sick cat or making some innocent person have to find a body, ya know? Bleh. (That’s the short version)

Going well, got a new 3D printer (resin printer, Anycubic Photon Mono 4k) as a treat for myself. Also waiting on a call back from the addiction treatment people so I can finally stop the heroin and get back on the treatment medication.

Minor victories on Sunday (got VPN access to my home net working again), but the rest of the week has been a slog through pig shit and concrete so far.

I managed to patch a hole in my living room ceiling, built two microblock figures (I now have 3/12 of the set, and probably won’t get more even tho I love them) and did some decent cleaning. It’s not perfect, because adhd, but it’s progress, and all progress is good progress.

It’s my wife’s first full day back at work after maternity leave - we had planned for her to WFH until Thursday but our backup battery installation for our solar array got moved up to today. They have to periodically cut our electricity to get everything wired up, so no WFH until they’re done tomorrow or Wednesday. So today is also my first full day as the stay-at-home dad, which has been pretty good. Lots of picture taking to share so she doesn’t feel like she’s missing too much being at work.

We took a trip over to our local library this morning and signed up for the “1000 books before kindergarten” challenge and showed off our outfit for dinovember to the librarians (pictured below). I was at the library board meeting last week to weigh in on who should be our new permanent library director, and there were a bunch of us there to support the acting director’s bid. There might be a board position opening up in the near future and I’ve been encouraged by some folks to apply/run for the position.

We also finally found a food our old cat is willing and able to eat reliably, after much trial and error, which has taken a weight off our hearts.

Sold my old car a few weeks ago. Finally got a new (used) car last Friday. I’m so glad for it to no longer be consuming some of my brains processing power in the background constantly.

I had a very slutty weekend, which was satisfying. I think I’m in heat. I think I’ve been in heat a lot the last few months. I wish I had a solution to this. Being slutty didn’t really seem to solve the horny, although it was a nice outlet.

In the process of moving home from an upstairs flat to a bungalow.

Looking forward to having a garden after decades of not, but also there is space for a dishwasher! Also a loft that will save £40 per month from storage fees.

And a kitchen that’s larger than a galley in a small boat.

Today I had my first employee development talk (not because I’ve only been here for two years but because the company didn’t have that concept until half a year ago) and it was very productive I would say. I mean it was scheduled 13:00 to 14:30 and we finished up at 16:45 lol

Work email inbox went from 0 to 60 unread messages 45 minutes after waking up. Spent the first 3 hours replying to emails and putting out small fires.

A third of the emails were from students essentially demanding we change the rules for them because their cases are exceptional (no, they didn’t read the instructions and did something wrong and it cost them… literally, they didn’t show up to a paid exam so there are at least 22 students who lost 260 euro).

Tomorrow there is a strike at my son’s school, and I find out if the person I am replacing comes back. I will update here. If they do, I’ll be passing the baton back to them with a big smile.

was walking a client’s dog and was attacked by an off-leash dog yesterday. fuckin’ sucked. everybody is ok (i think? i didn’t stick around), but the other owner was very entitled and seemed to think their dog didn’t need to be on a leash??? even after it attacked us??? the client’s dog (a very large german shepherd) reacted appropriately to defend himself (and probably me) from any damage. he disengaged as soon as the owner finally pulled her (collarless!!!???) dog away. i called animal control after because this is an affluent neighborhood, the owner was white, and i wanted it on record.

still struggling to cope with the election results.

got rid of a bunch of stuff via free stuff markets over the weekend. echo also came out to the second one to get pets from all the strangers, which she loves.

echo has her second rally video session tonight; fingers crossed for a good take so we can submit it for our second score. she got 97/100 on her first one, which is great! the three points off were all handler error.

the restaurant across the street had its last day yesterday after ~six months of being open. it wasn’t that great. the place before—which was there for ~two years—was amazing. curious to see who will move in next. it’s one of the few neighborhood locations for retail/restaurant, so it being vacant is disappointing.