Back during Covid I was temporarily laid off for several months because I work a restaurant that was closing until the end of the pandemic. It was the first time that I truly had nothing to do for as long as I could remember, so I did what I thought I should do, and turned off my alarm clock. I’ve always been a wild dreamer, and I dream vividly every night all the way through until I wake. Sometimes they are vignettes, sometimes its a whole-ass life in my dreams, but they are always there, every night.
At first I would pop up at 9am like I did for work, but eventually I got used to it, and I stopped waking up early. Soon it was 10:30, noon, 1pm. All the while I was dreaming more and more. With no hard cut off from my alarm clock, my dreams would come to their natural conclusions, which was steadily becoming my death in my dreams. Sometimes violently, sometimes of old age, but it got to where every time I went to sleep, I knew I would die that night, somehow. This isn’t some creepy-pasta or anything, it’s a true story, and I genuinely started getting panic attacks before bed because I didn’t want to dream my own death, again.
Of course, eventually I did the smart thing and turned my alarm back on, but for a while I was locked in my version of Groundhog Day. My already natural nihilism played into all of this, and sometimes I slip into a dark thought about death, and I have a nihilistic version of my inner monologue telling me, “You’ve done it before, and when it happens, just let it happen.” It’s kinda fucked up, and it’s been years now and I still have some issues about it.
I would like to try lucid dreaming.
Just be prepared for the darkness. It will come.
By the purest definition (being aware that you are dreaming), I lucid dream nearly every night. I never did anything special to achieve this.
But, it’s not as fun as they make it sound. At some point, my mind started resisting me. Sure, I can do anything I want… sometimes. However, most of the time, anything I change goes back to the way is was immediately.
I also used to be able to wake myself up while lucid dreaming. For instance, maybe I would be aware that I am napping, and I need to wake up. So, I would. But, my mind now resists that as well. When I try to wake myself up, sometimes I just wake up into another dream. And, for whatever reason, I am not aware that I am dreaming in the new dream.
None of this upsets me too much, but it is annoying. I think it may be related to some sort of mild, generalized sleeping disorder I have. I experience sleep paralysis and insomnia episodes, but they’ve never been frequent or upsetting enough for me to seek treatment.
Whenver I lucid dream my mind resists immediately and with great force, false awakenings, distractions, liminal spaces, just not fucking letting me fly ever no matter what, every single sapient character in the dream apparently being aware of what I’m doing.
Haha, yes, everyone else is trying to ruin my fun. I can fly sometimes, but not for long, and it’s a real struggle to stay airborne.
Worst Nightmare on Elm Street reboot ever.
“What happened to Ted? He used to love reminiscing but all of a sudden, he bolts before I can even start my thought. I say “remember that time” and he runs off.”
It’s not lucid dreaming, but try taking a calcium, magnesium, zinc pill (or magnesium zinc) before bed. Wow I dream hard.
Don’t forget random 5 minute cuts to Conway Twitty 🫠
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