when i was a child, i had a tendency to extremely hyper fixate on various topics for months, so now that i’m older it just feels like i’ve experienced everything even though I technically haven’t. the fixations are becoming much more quick in terms of cycles / how long they (don’t) last and i spend most of my time feeling bored and empty, just rotting away and feeling entertained by nothing. lately this has caused me to get really stuck in the past, so i spend a lot of time just laying in bed crate digging my own memories and feeling kind of depressed because i have nothing new to be excited by or interested in. it does not help that i don’t really have any long term goals or ambitions either, i just kind of exist.
does anyone else feel like this?
I understand completely. I’m over 40, and my normal day is: go to work, come home, smoke weed and hang out with my wife. She needs the TV running at all times, and it’s near impossible for me to look away from it when it’s on.
Sometimes I think about all the things we could be doing and I feel disappointed in myself, but aside from chores that get put off a little longer than they should, there’s not really anything else I want to be doing. I’m depressingly content in my mediocrity. (Does that count as a paradox?)
As someone else said, they feel guilty diving into an obsession, and I agree completely. I think I’d love to jump into Balder’s Gate, but my wife has no interest in watching me do that, so I’d feel guilty about not spending that time with her. And yes, I realize that we are allowed to have our own interests, but a game like that could absorb me for a whole night and it would only feel like a moment to me.
Gainful employment: check Life partner: check Luxury of free time for tv: check Legal (ish) herb access: check
My friend, that all sounds lovely to me. Don’t fall trap to societal (and especially capitalistic) definitions of achievement and mediocrity that demand a constant stream of more more more. It’s ok to be content and enjoy the simple pleasures in life.
That being said, if you’re unhappy, get after it. You mention wanting to play Baldurs Gate but feeling guilty about lack of partner time and fear of getting sucked into it for hours: what if you both dedicate a personal hobby night once a week where you can both do whatever and get lost in your own worlds separately without guilt? My partner and I recently started doing this on Fridays and it’s been a game changer.
Career-wise, yes, in my experience.
When you start out in junior positions, you don’t tend to have a lot of autonomy in your work life. Other people are setting priorities, deadlines etc, and you’re just along for the ride.
As your career advances, you tend to take on more leadership duties. You’re more responsible for managing your own work, and then eventually other peoples’ as well. This is where executive functioning deficits tend to start to really hit home.
It’s not for nothing that a lot of people get diagnosed in middle age.
FUCK this is me so bad right now. Just lost a nice position for this exact reason and now I’m back on the job hunt scramble. It’s tough
