This will be my first Christmas without her. I’ve already had our first anniversary (23rd) and her first birthday (44th), and now Christmas, New Year (which we always spent together) and my birthday.

The problem with this diagram – with this theory – is that it assumes the outer circle can grow. That it is not moored, permanently, to the inner circle.

  • Okokimup@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    9
    ·
    3 months ago

    The first year is the hardest. Every event and anniversary that passes is momentous. It took me three years before I stopped feeling like grief was my identity. It’s coming up on 8 now, and I still think of him every day, but without that crushing weight. Please feel welcome to message me if you want advice or if you just want to talk about her. People in your life will often change the subject or get sad, because they think talking about her will make it worse, but I always felt better talking about him.

  • BobbyShmurda@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    5
    ·
    3 months ago

    I am saddened by your loss.

    I am of similar ages and anniversary years, and your post resonates strongly with me.

    I pray you find whatever you need to deal with this. I am so sorry.

  • sweetviolentblush@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    edit-2
    3 months ago

    I am so sorry for your loss. I’m sure it feels overwhelming and neverending right now. In my experience the diagram is pretty accurate, but they fail to mention that sometimes it can take a very long time to grow around the grief. And while it may not be a long time chronologically, to your mind and heart it will feel like an incredibly long time. But it will happen. One day you will be able to breathe a little easier. The weight of grief will feel a little lighter. And you might even feel a little guilty about it, but thats when you have to give yourself a reality check. That person you loved, loved you back. They would have wanted you to be happy. You have to let yourself accept the lessening of grief too.

    Holidays are hard for me too. I lost the most important person in my life a few years ago on Dec 15th so christmas is especially challenging. Anyway, if you need someone to talk to who gets it, you can pm me.

  • JonsJava@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    3 months ago

    Fuck.

    I had a snappy comeback until I realized this wasn’t abstract.

    I’ve lost my mom, my dad, step sister, foster parents, and adoptive parents.

    I don’t know the loss you feel. I’m sorry.

    The loss of someone you chose to be a family with must be much stronger.

    I hope it gets easier while the fond memories get stronger.

  • M137@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    3 months ago

    “But slowly, life begins grow bigger around it”

    The person who wrote that needs to grow their circle of grammatical knowledge.