The day James Earl Jones died I was talking to my girlfriend about him and wondered if he was still alive.

He was.

30 minutes later he died. Literally 30 fucking minutes.

I feel like I manifested it…

Time to my joints

I plead the 5th.

Just don’t drink straight from the jug. The bacteria in your saliva will spoil the milk twice as fast.

My shoulders sound like rice krispies whenever I do pull ups.

I feel like the main takeaway is more that everyone expected dumb white people to vote Trump. No one expected the very people he’s openly said he’s gonna fuck over to vote for him.

I’m gonna make so many spongebob quotes that everyone’s gonna drown in it! DROWN IN IT!!!

It’s okay the sound of the skateboard covers it up.

“Hmm. Must have been the wind”

I was climbing hills on a 4 wheeler. At the top of the hill was a rock that flipped the quad over. I was inexperienced and didn’t know to jump left or right so I jumped straight back. The handlebars landed on my leg breaking both bones just above my ankle.

It usually isn’t an issue but during the winter months it’s pretty irritating.

I broke my leg as a teenager and the way they set the cast caused a buildup of scar tissue in my knee. So now if it gets too cold or if I overwork my knee it will lockup or send a sudden shocking pain down my leg.

I’m not saying that. I’m just stating that this particular dish was deliberately plated that way to show off all the ingredients in a visually pleasing way. It’s the only dish we serve that way.

Part of fine dining is the experience. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it’s supposed to show that we put effort into not only making good food but that it looks nice as well.

It looks like it’s spiling out because there’s two of them lol but I get it looks a little funky in the picture.

It’s deliberately plated so you can see all of the good stuff you’re about to eat.

I’m skipping Thanksgiving because my whole family has become brainwashed magats.

Even the ones I thought could never be that fuckin stupid.

I don’t think cops are liable for damages even in a case like this.

Probable cause is a whole ass bitch.

The best part is the people who peddled this program knew it was having the complete opposite result as intended and still chose to push it across the country.

The sleeping kitties

You mean the country that has more guns than people has a gun problem?? No fuckin way.