https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd
I always had this thing where randomly certain types of criticism, even small ones or ones where in hindsight it wasn’t really against me, WRECKED me. Like was all I could think about for days, where I wasn’t able to sleep that night at all, just overwhelmed with negative emotions. I still remember the overwhelming feeling of sadness and frustration I got once because I got a question marked wrong in like the 4th grade because I didn’t “show my work” properly even though I got the answer right.
When I was younger this was a fun combination, because I was undiagnosed ADHD sufferer school was a place I got a good amount of criticism. So yeah I got called a crybaby a good amount. Which of course… more criticism. Yay.
I grew out of the crying (as any man should, I was told), but never grew out of random insults hitting me as hard as if someone I love just died. There were hobbies/games/communities I adored that I quit suddenly because a single snide comment for some reason filled me with such negative emotions I couldn’t do said thing without thinking about it all the time.
But now as I just got my ADHD diagnosis and learning that RSD is a symptom that goes along with it, it makes SO MUCH SENSE, and is now something I can work with my counselors on.
But yeah, just curious if the cry baby thing was a shared experience.
In relationships, that’s a problem. Over the years, that really developed into … something. When I have a crush and daydream, I imagine how she comes onto me, and I’m like: Sorry, not interested.
Sometimes that actually happens, and it does feel great.
Even when I daydream about meeting a cute girl with a nice personality, I imagine how she likes me, so I can reject her.
The oddest thing is that I still had a couple of healthy, nice relationships, some over many years. She was always more into me than vice versa, though. And I was overall single longer than I was in relationships.
So maybe the counterpart personality exists, and that’s why it works: Longing to always having to prove herself to someone who isn’t even that attractive, just for getting a fraction of it back.
I hate that my memory appears to save snapshots the best in moments of rejection and piqued anxiety.
There are so many things I remember only because I was scared or upset.
Yeah. Human memory evolved to keep us alive not happy. Brain assumes anything that stressful must be life threatening and we obviously should remember that so we can avoid it in the future.
I personally find having a rational understanding of the utility of emotions helps me process them.
It definitely helps. You can sometimes logic yourself out of a spiral by acknowledging the emotion and why it’s there, while simultaneously rejecting the need for feeling it right now.
It’s like “hey cool thanks brain I get that you want me to make sure that the bad thing doesn’t happen again so you’re looping that memory and the feeling that came with it. But actually that’s not helpful, that situation actually (wasn’t dangerous) / (won’t happen again) / (isn’t something I can solve right now), so let’s move on.”
With practice, brain usually says “ok no worries”, and you can move on. It’s not really that simple but that’s the idea.
Yup, I’ve always had difficulties receiving criticism. I’ve gotten decent at professional criticism, but I also suuuuck at giving criticism because of how painful I know it can be to receive.
I’m with you. So many insignificant criticisms have CRUSHED me!
