Thoughts?
Dude I’ve been distracting myself from counting the days since before I was in grade school. I’m 45 and still doing it. I may be on it big ass cocktail of medications and in therapy, but I am still looking forward to the sweet silent oblivion of death. Fortunately I’ve never been actively suicidal. Although to this day I refuse to have a gun in my house, just in case.
I’m 20 years away from you, I’ll catch up to you soon!
Yeah do yourself a favor and follow my example; don’t own a gun or allow one in the house. It’s not that I don’t know gun safety, or that I’m particularly inclined to use it even if it’s around. However, statistically, it’s been proven that the mere access/availability of a firearm increases the likelihoods that someone having a particularly bad depressive episode will use it to commit suicide. Knowing that, it’s literally just not worth the risk.
That said, there is nothing wrong with owning a firearm in general. If your mental state is not one subject to depressive thoughts, ideation, or tendencies, as long as you’re a responsible gun owner then so be it.
Sounds like you need medication and therapy. Depression is like an infection. It doesn’t get better on its own you gotta get treatment. I can’t stress enough that therapy and medication are required to treat depression. Depression fucks with your perception and distorts everything.
It’s a pita to find a therapist and psych but ask for help from a friend or family member. That way they can do the heavy lifting while you begin recovery. You wouldn’t expect someone in bed with the flu and 102 fever to help themselves. Someone needs to help you help yourself.
Pm me if you want more info
One thing I’ve noticed is that some things are still fun but for some reason I don’t want to do them. In my case, these are usually things that involve being with friends or family. I feel like I want to be alone, but when I’m alone I’m unhappy. If someone pushes me to be social, I do end up enjoying it but then afterwards I still feel like I want to be alone, and when I’m alone I’m still unhappy.
Something similar but less dramatic happens when I read a book, watch a movie, work on a project, or do anything else that requires hours of focus. I don’t want to do it, I enjoy it if I do, but then I don’t want to do it again.