A while ago, I had A LOT of free time to shitpost on social media, and I was beginning to miss it.

I don’t have as much time anymore. 😭

Thoracic spinal damage is super rare. The thoracic region is the area where your ribs connect. It isn’t like the lumbar spine you likely associate with back problems. It usually requires external sources of traumatic injury to cause problems. Unlike typical back problems, thoracic damage can greatly impact posture; not just in the sense of ‘hold your shoulders back and don’t slouch’ bad posture. This is more like, what you associate with bad posture is somewhat related to fatigue, but you’re likely unaware of how much continuous strength you actually have that underpins your ability to remain upright. These muscles are still engaged even when you are reclining above around a 45° angle, just to a lesser extent, and certainly in use while sitting upright or standing. When the thoracic spinal region is chronically damaged, holding posture above 45° can become like lifting a 1 kg dumbbell in your outstretched arm at shoulder height. I can hold posture and situp or stand, but it hurts from the moment I start. By 30 minutes it is painful enough for me to lose the focus to read and comprehend well. By 1 hour in, I’m unable to think clearly over the background noise of the pain. Taking pain meds and muscle relaxers doesn’t change anything about my condition. It just makes me care less or less self aware. I am here most often because there is a position I can sit in that allows me to fully relax my back while holding a phone. I spend my up time doing other things, I can sit with my computer in bed longer or hold up a novel size book okay. This is a profoundly lonely existence to deal with long term. I’m often hurting too much to really talk anyways. I need the filter of text to piece my thoughts together and feel like I am myself. In a lot of ways I let this place fill a fundamental social need. I don’t expect people to understand. I simply have no access to escape this situation and be myself.