As a parent, you do not give attention to any behavior that is unacceptable.
Any attention given to a child during a tantrum is attention; the child quickly learns a tantrum gets rewarded because you react. Any attention given from a behavior, whether it’s from good or bad behavior is “attention”.
If a child is in a tantrum, no matter how extreme it gets, ignore the behavior. Your tantrum problem will be solved in less than a week.
“Ignore the behavior” is a radical oversimplification. A better approach would be to make sure you’ve developed the skills in yourself to remain completely calm and unaffected when a tantrum happens, then you make yourself present but calm and uninterested until the child calms down, at which point you immediately reward them being calm with affection and attention, or whatever it is they would perceive as a reward. Without the reward part, ignoring a negative behavior risks worsening it over time. Also this is clearly not always possible, eg if you’re in a public setting or if the child is doing something dangerous.
