It shouldn’t take quite that long.

unfortunately yes

I don’t want to see this human’s face again.

I’m going to have to go with the bow tie, especially with the hat.

obnoxious hashtags bro!

you be careful out there lads

等你吧 (děng nǐ ba) - (I’ll) wait for you, or (I’m) waiting for you, possibly punning on 吧 as a transliteration of 'bar". So it’s like “the waiting for you bar” or “I’m waiting for you at the bar”.

couple of dildos by the looks of it

salt was a good choice

And somehow he’ll keep making money.

massive hyena pseudophallus

NEVERTHELESS

I demand everyone acknowledge how sweet this is, immediately.

Hi, I have an MSc w/distinction and based up somebody’s patio yesterday, this isn’t a Chinese thing.

does look a bit shit

I know I should be. I would genuinely benefit more from a good massage therapist than a psychotherapist at this point in life.

Why should everybody be in therapy? That’s like saying everybody should see a physiotherapist.

I’m bald.

English, same.

Because both parents are now expected/required to do this. Though I understand you were asking a rhetorical question.