That is so frustrating. I’m glad your wife finally got help but that must have been stressful for her. Also a 5 minute assessment is just silly, for anyone it should be longer. Funny how they so easily diagnosis it for men without question. Not trying to discount your diagnosis but just wanted to state the hypocrisy between the two evaluations (yours and your wifes).
That is so demeaning! Fragile? Like what? If you have adhd it can make every day things stressful and difficult and dont evem gdt me atarted on self image. I would definitely get a second opinion. Could be you have it, could be you don’t but at least find someone that has more to offer for an explanation than that. It’s exhausting and nerve-wracking for sure but don’t give up.