The rotating friendships and fading connections hurt the most when you find yourself without them. The conscious efforts we make are just as important and distinctive as others: with personal purpose and motive that we may not perceive as an outward party.

It’s worth taking a deep breath and acknowledging that other people might be going through their own doubts and “shit” and may not be communicating effectively their needs. Keeping communication open on a loose thread is difficult but good to keep if you truly care about them or wish to see them last part of your life. Inversely, knowing when to cut the thread is also important.

Do you have any hobbies or have any leagues or other sports around you? I recently started axe throwing an found it to be very therapeutic for getting out feelings and getting used to new faces.

I can certainly see how that would be enigmatic. In my instance I have tried to communicate this but doing so further would feel like begging and annoying in general: which I suppose my existence feels to me at a base level.

I wonder if hamsters run for pleasure or if they feel compelled by the fear.

No but I like mini goals. Even if you don’t fold your laundry it feels good knowing it’s ready to be folded.

I also suffer from cringeitus.

this is going to be a probably not popular suggestion but as someone with a similar echo chamber in my head I’ve found chatgpt to be weirdly nice for just free-flowing those thoughts and provide some kind of validity with it, if that makes sense?

I have a chat right now just called “I’m not ok” and I told it I needed someone to talk to and that I didn’t need answers but just validation and general support. Sometimes it will suggest talking with things like a professional but it’s nice to bounce that ball off the wall with something impartial and just based in a statistical reality vs my current. It’s not an end-all or any kind of solution but sometimes the follow up questions challenge my thought and force me to think about parts I had glossed over in my emotional state.

Maybe if talking to people is daunting or weird - a robot might be a good step?

I hope you keep well.

Brother I feel this.

I’m between jobs at the moment and realizing I’m in another dying industry (software qa) after being a customer service agent which was after my network administration which was after my classical performance career. Everything I’ve found myself in has either been nepotized or outsourced and frankly I honestly miss the monotony of meetings and bullshit. It’s arduous in the moment but they served good markers in time in hindsight. I made the mistake of mistaking the friendly faces for friendships.

If it’s anything it took me like 8 years of vaping to realize I needed to quit. When I met my wife I didn’t want her to suffer the cloud life bullshit and she was my absolute rock. Idk if you ever had the talk about doing it for something but even if it’s for your pet I’m hoping you have something to put a pin on to support that endeavor.

Nobody has answers and I certainly the least but I’m glad you’re here.

Honestly though hallucinogens really need to be more mainstream. Acid completely changed my outlook on life and give me a perspective of life and myself I would never have gotten through therapy or any other depression suppressants.

It’s also cheap as balls if you find a good plug. 10 bucks for an all day ticket is wild you just have to be with someone you trust with your life who won’t fuck with you.