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Loving Mother Only Wants Daughter To Be Different In Every Possible Way
www.theonion.comANNAPOLIS, MD—Seeing that her child was upset with her and hoping to provide some reassurance, loving mother Laurie Batts reportedly sat down Tuesday with her daughter Caroline to let her know that the only thing she wanted was for the girl to be different in every way possible. “Honey, I know sometimes it can feel like I’m putting a lot of pressure on you, but that’s just because I think you should change yourself into a completely new person who bears no resemblance to the person you are now,” said Batts, adding that her daughter was perfect the way she was, except for when it came to her looks, personality, interests, demeanor, and many other characteristics. “If, from time to time, I say that you need a total makeover inside and out, please know it’s coming from a place of genuine caring. Remember, I’m only telling you that you’re fundamentally flawed because I love you.” Batts added that her daughter should be true to herself as long as that person didn’t resemble who she currently was in the slightest.
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