She told me I trauma dumped on her and I was looking to trauma bond. Which I think isn’t true since I disclosed to other dates from the get-go I was bipolar because I am one of those who think it’s better to tell someone right away then later when they get attached. Some people are just not okay dating with mental illnesses and that’s okay. So I prefer to say it in advance.
She said she is disabled too and won’t be capable of taking care of me all the time, I have taken it badly because as I said to her I am not looking for a mother. She told she’s got “nurse syndrom” which is basically in the context of romantic relationships, is a psychological phenomenon where an individual, often a woman, feels a compulsive need to “save” or “fix” their partner. I told her I find that infantilizing I do not want a mother or someone trying to save me, yes I am disabled but yes I can also take care of myself like a grown-up, I am not 6 years old looking for guidance. I said to her I do not feel comfortable pursuing the relationship. AITA for thinking she’s the one showing red flags?
Upfrontness is good, saves both of you trouble later.
I do agree.
The other half and I bonded over BPD on our first date, we’ve both got it. I don’t remember who brought it up first, but we both shared the intention of being open about it since day 1.
Open communication is our strength. I feel that when I’m able to say to them out loud that I’m depressed or having a manic episode it helps me be more mindful of it.
They also said that the first time they tried that, it didn’t go well.
Luckily I have a date which I told in the very beginning and instead of reacting like I was trying to manipulate her told me she deals with social anxiety, anxiety and depression herself. She said that she’s got another chronic illness but didn’t feel comfortable sharing now, which I respect.
It sounds like she has an issue you don’t like either! (Nurse syndrome!) I disclosed mine immediately to my current partner myself.
Right maybe we’re just not right for each other
Sounds like a bad first date, but nobody here is going to be able to impartially comment on a conversation we weren’t there for. Just know you’re not an arsehole for not wanting another one with this person. Your reasons are your own and if anyone else wants to judge them, by all means ignore them.
When you tell the right person, it won’t matter how you do it. They’ll understand, and you’ll feel it.
Yes, thank you.
Nah you’re not the asshole but if someone isn’t warm to the idea of talking about disabilities, don’t make it your personality. A good way of making sure you’re not turning your disability into your personality is make sure you talked about something else you’re passionate for first.
(not saying you did this, but it’s common with ADHD kids)
I am not making it my personality but thank you for the advice.
