I quit doing Christmas a dozen years ago, and I’ve never been happier. I’m an anti-capitalistic athiest…I don’t give a Fuck One about keeping Jeebus in Crimmis, and I am just not real big on spending hundreds of dollars buying things for people that I think they might like (but probably won’t) just because it happens to be the fourth week of December again. That shit’s bonkers and is for the fucking birds.

Hell naw. You keep your $40 and buy yourself something you want or need, I’ll do the same, and you and I will just moosh calendars and share time and a meal together without propping up capitalism.

This year, holiday spending between Nov. 1 and Dec. 31 is expected to increase to a record total of $979.5 billion to $989 billion, according to the National Retail Federation.

Even as credit card debt tops $1.14 trillion, holiday shoppers expect to spend, on average, $1,778, up 8% compared to last year, Deloitte’s holiday retail survey found.

Meanwhile, 28% of holiday shoppers still have not paid off the gifts they purchased for their loved ones last year, according to another holiday spending report by NerdWallet.