Maybe it helps with understanding when you think of examples of female rape that isn’t a stranger beating up a woman in a dark alley.

Like Harvey Weinstein. Countless women have come forward about rape and sexual violence from him. I doubt he always used physical violence on these women. But he was this all powerful person in the filmindustry who could and would destroy lives and careers with a wave of his hand if you’d deny him.

Very often rape and sexual violence comes out of a power dynamic where the victim (no matter the gender) feels they don’t have a choice. Physical violence does not have to be involved.

Bear in mind that in most countries rape is defined by a forced sexual act by a male.

There are a few misconceptions in your logic.

1. Force is required to rape
2. Erections are controllable

Both of them are easy to disprove, but not obvious at first sight.

For 1 consider any case where a woman might have power (not physical) over a man, e.g. blackmail, teacher, parole officer, boss, etc. Another possibility to remember are weapons or physical threats to a third party. Also you should remember that humans have a fight/flight/freeze response, so a third of humans would just freeze regardless of being able to overpower their attacker. Finally there’s also the possibility of even without any threat, even being able to think properly, and knowing that he could physically overpower a female attacker, a man might not do it for fear of legal or moral repercussions, e.g. being thought not to hit girls or believing that no one would believe that he was defending himself. In fact lots of women who get raped don’t try to fight back or escape, believing (sometimes accurately) that their attacker would worsen the offense if they did that, e.g. by killing them (even if no threat was made), it’s not uncommon for rape victims to feel ashamed and guilt about not having fought back, and by saying that men can’t get raped because they could theoretically overpower their attacker you’re indirectly saying that any woman who doesn’t fight back with all her might is not being raped either, because they could have overpowered their attacker of they tried.

For 2, erections (and even ejaculation) are physical responses, in fact you can make a corpse get a hard on and cum (some wives do it to preserve their husbands sperm). This is no different from women getting wet or having orgasms while being raped (both of which are common), it means nothing, it’s just a physical reaction to a physical stimulus. In fact lots of victims (both men and women), especially those in abusive relationships think they deserve that because of those physiological reactions. To put it in simpler terms, saying a men can’t be raped because if they got an erection it means they wanted it is like saying that people can’t be stabbed because if they bled is because they wanted the knife.

Coersion. For example, “if you don’t have sex with me right now, we’re breaking up/I’m divorcing you/I’m going to ruin your life by doing xyz.” And when you say no, she’ll threaten to call the cops on you for some made up bullshit, but they’ll believe her over you because she’s the woman and you’re the man.

Also, you don’t have to be erect to have someone force you into performing sex acts. She could force you to perform oral on her, she could grope you, she could even penetrate you.

But if this happens to you, fight back.

1. Rape does not always involve physically overpowering someone. Someone may coerce someone else into sex with blackmail, lies, threats, or abuse of a position of power.

2. Erections are controlled by a person’s autonomic nervous system. A man can get hard even when he is not turned on or consenting to what is happening.

3. Not all rape involves a penis. A woman who sticks an object into a man without his consent is committing rape. Rape is about power and control over another person, and the rapist need not be directly stimulated for rape to occur.

A lot of aggression in this comments with this is literally no stupid questions.

Sexual assault comes in many forms and men are and can be victims of most of them. Coercion, violence, emotional manipulation, drugs or alcohol, the list is the same regardless of gender.

As for an erection, it’s a biological response so they don’t correspond to desire/attraction/consent. Many women who are raped get “wet” and even orgasm, but that does not indicate pleasure or consent. It’s actually one of the reasons rape victims feel very guilty about the event. “If I didn’t want it/hated it/was scared, why did I cum?” That reasoning is also part of why people don’t report rape. They think that having an orgasm will hurt their chances to press charges or win because “they enjoyed it”

Rape can also happen between consenting people as well. In fact, quite a lot of what is and should be considered sexual assault/rape, is a partner “going too far” or doing something their consenting partner didn’t consent to.

Healthy sexual intimacy requires clear communication, setting boundaries, and making sure those things aren’t broken. The kink/BDSM community is an extreme form of sexual pleasure, and despite literal violence and pain, there is always consent at the forefront and there is always an “opt-out” or safe word that ends the encounter with no second guessing.

Power over another person, the prerequisite for most sexual violence, doesn’t have to come from superior physical strength. It could come from an age difference, a professor-student or boss-employee dynamic, or some form of blackmail, for example. And the body can experience physical arousal in response to the right stimuli even when you don’t want to have sex. You can also do acts of sexual violence that do not require an erect penis.