I think the “oh, fuck, that was an invitation!” moment several minutes/hours after the fact is one of the most universal moments.
Years.
When I was 19, a girl told me at a party that I was the coolest guy in school. I was just flattered by the compliment and when I told my girlfriend about it later she said “Yeah she was totally hitting on you”.
I was like “Nah! Her? No way!”
Years later, I randomly thought about it and went “oh my god, she was hitting on me!”
I have been specifically and repeatedly told women at work don’t want flirting or any other interpersonal interactions. So that shit is shut completely off when in public.
And that’s absolutely true! Until the one time it’s not, and then it’s your fault for not knowing.
TBF, I normally go by “off limits unless they make an obvious move”.
Which the cashier definitely did. Of course, like the OP I wouldn’t realize it till later…
The hard part is the knowing that so called obvious move.
You can usually tell by their feet. For example, if they’re behind their head.
I’m 40 and married yet I still get the cringe memory of when I was 20 and a girl I knew, took me to dinner, paid, and drove me home to celebrate my new job. Years later she told me she liked me and I never made a move at the dinner date. That was when I first realized it was a date and I blew it.
I still cringe at the memory
There is always that moment, for me its a girl who took my sunglasses home, because we were out drinking the night before, then invited me in for a beer when I went to pick it up, I was like, nah thanks had too much yesterday and left. To my defense though, I thought he had a longtime boyfriend whom I knew so I didn’t even think about her romantically, turns out they were broken up for a few months already. Well what you gonna do.
That is 100% me. I’ve had many friends tell me someone was into me but I’m usually oblivious. I never want anyone to feel awkward or intruded upon and basically never act on such opportunities. I would love to, but my mind is usually partitioned off on a half dozen other projects, and at least one big rabbit hole of a curiosity. I have the capacity to shift my attention, but it takes someone being quite forward or otherwise remarkable in ways beyond a casual encounter or simple looks to capture my attention in a way where I might take spontaneous initiative. Basically, every girl I encounter is like my sister on a platonic level unless I have a clear indication otherwise. All my long term relationships are from social encounters with friends of friends where over time I could tell there was clear chemistry. Just saying, if you’re a girl, being direct and forward is quite effective with some of us, especially the more quiet types.
I remember I was walking through a mall carrying a gift bag full of chocolates for my mom. It was one of those places that gives out those special types of gift bags so it was pretty obvious what I was carrying. I passed by one of those kiosks that sell phone cases and I heard the girl running the place call out to me. I politely waved at her and said “No, thank you.” And walked away. After I got out of the mall I realized the girl said “Oh, are those for me? You’re so nice!”
I thought she was trying to sell me something…
I was at a bar (with a partner at the time, who was on the dance floor) and a girl came up to me and started a conversation about her college classes and her puppetry. I though it was cool! We had a good conversation and the girl’s sister eventually pulled her away. My then partner came up and told me she was totally interested. I was like “Her? Nah, we were just talking about some cool hobby stuff!” She was totally into me apparently.
Note: My partner was not upset, she was a very sexually progressive person and even suggested I get her number. I’m a one person kinda lad though.
good one, cat
