I need to process some things that happened a year ago. I’ve actually been doing this all the while but it keeps coming up and I don’t understand why. Hope this gives me closure.

I’ll make two different posts cause it would be too long otherwise, so whatever answers I get I’ll make them work :) Hope it’s not annoying, if anyone wants to share what they think about the situation thank you :) I just need to talk to someone and have no one at the moment.

From August to November 2023, I was busy with driving lessons. During this time, I had two instructors: one was 33 years old, I was 25.

In summer 2023 I began lessons with the first instructor, who was 33. He started flirting with me despite being in a relationship with a partner and having a two-year-old child. It began with jokes and playful punches, but it escalated to physical touches. Initially, I couldn’t stand him and wanted to switch instructors after the second lesson, but my mom opposed the idea. Somehow, I ended up developing a strange crush on him. I became unsure—was he genuinely interested in me, or was he just teasing? After finishing my lessons, I felt an overwhelming emptiness. I missed him and felt confused about how I could develop feelings for someone who didn’t care about me. Whenever we interacted, he led the way - I never spoke to him, kept from laughing when I could and just minded my business. He for sure could tell throgh body language though that it did have a physical effect on me, also I never opposed to his touches after my mom told me not to change instructor. Idk, still can’t make sense of it. Even months later in April I felt the same weird sensation to my stomach, as if it hurt and gave me anxiety, when I bumped into him.