the creature washed up on a beach near Hyannis Port, Massachusetts, she said: “[He] ran down to the beach with a chainsaw, cut off the whale’s head and then bungee-corded it to the roof of the family minivan for the five-hour haul back to Mount Kisco, New York.

In an alternate reality, not too different from ours, this guy is gonna be the next president.

I know the latest thing to call Republicans is weird…but this dude is a whole 'nother level of fucking weird. What the actual fuck.

Beheads a whale, ate roadkill, and has a brain worm. True presidential material right here.

Oh, I almost forgot. He was a drug dealer, too!

He’s like Trump if you respec all points from Grift and Lie to spread them on various mental disorders.

We have laws against this so poachers don’t claim they found dead animals on the beach, and so

Good.

I would think the statute of limitations had run out on any crime here. Not that I’m condoning his behavior.

I mean, I’m pretty sure that’s a fistful of felonies.

Like if you or I had done that, we’d still be in prison

Stop trying to make him sound cool.

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That would probably be a waste of taxpayer money, if the fed investigation is even a true claim. The whale was already dead, and it happened years ago.

(Edited for clarity)